I realized earlier today I haven’t really updated folks on the latest health stuff. It’s both easy and difficult to push that to the back of my mind – especially this time of the year as we prepare for the students return.
Mike and I went a couple weeks ago to the new neurologist and she’s great! An Emory Med School grad and it was like night and day from before which was great. Mike particularly liked her which is high praise. We talked to her about the small things that have changed since the surgery and she did some tests that proved that we weren’t just imagining things. I have found that I can’t always remember simple things or people’s names even I’ve known them forever. She showed me some flash cards with simple objects on them and although I knew what each was and they were simple like an umbrella or something like that. I couldn’t actually say all of their names for a little while. It’s like I know it but there’s some sort of delay or block. I knew that I had been feeling this way but when she did that test, I knew for sure, that everything wasn’t “back to normal.” We then did a test where you’re supposed to walk in a straight line. Yes, like the drunk test. Welp, totally bombed that one too. I haven’t noticed any difference in regular life with my motor skills so that was a little startling to know that even that’s a little off. She said she would testify on behalf if I failed a DUI test – no worries there since I can’t drive but it was funny nonetheless.
I know that this is normal after brain surgery and many people laugh and say this comes with age. I get that. I’m not expecting to do everything that I could do before or to be able to snap my fingers and that this all will disappear. But it’s tough because like she said that day – I look perfectly normal. The way my hair is cut and the way I part it now completely covers up my scar that stretches 22 sutures from the top of my head to my ear. Now that is a great haircut! When you look normal and you’re trying to go back to your life and all of the same challenges and demands, it’s easy to forget that things are different.
For someone that talks and remembers things as part of her job – her ministry – her vocation – her life – not being able to think clearly on your feet is hard. There’s no way around that. Am I worried about August quickly approaching and getting ready for the school year? Heck yes. Am I worried that my normal “meditations” with the students in worship will be that much more difficult trying to remember and bring things together? Yep. Am I learning that I need to depend on other people more and I need to rest in the grace of God more? Oh yeah. I feel like a middle schooler without her license as I ask people for rides all the time. But then again, it’s good to let others help you sometimes. If we really are community it’s a balance of each of us helping and taking turns and building up the body.
Anyway – long story short – the neurologist says I’ll be on the seizure meds for 2 years if nothing happens again. One piece of good news that I liked since I’m a little afraid of the seizures – if I have a little seizure (not go unconscious) then that doesn’t start over my 6 months wait to drive. Scary I know. Only if I go unconscious does that restart so November 28th I am looking forward to you! I’ll see the neurologist again in January so the only thing on the docket now is the MRI in September.
That and getting ready for the school year! But hey that’s just the normal crazy campus minister to do list…
Mike has done a lot of songs by Michael Gungor in The Journey service and I really do like his music a lot. We’ve been playing the Gungor album “Beautiful Things” in our car for a while. Below is a song by their group called “Please Be My Strength.” It’s melody and lyrics speak to me and I hope it will speak to some of you.
I’ve tried to stand my ground
I’ve tried to understand
but I can’t seem to find my way
like water on the sand
or grasping at the wind
I keep on falling short
please be my strength
please be my strenth
I don’t have anymore
I don’t have anymore
I’m looking for a place
that I can plant my faith
one thing I know for sure
I cannot create it
I cannot sustain it
It’s Your love that’s keeping (captured) me
Please be my strength…
at my final breath
I hope that I can say
I’ve fought the good fight of faith
I pray your glory shines
through this doubting heart of mine
so my world would know that You
You are my strength
You and You alone
You and You alone
Keep bringin me back home