June 2013 – Blessings on the Journey

I’m crying alone at my desk with the door closed because it’s been a really cruddy day. And I can’t go anywhere without seeing these little hairs everywhere. I’m frustrated. And I want to go on a date with Mike and stop thinking about these things. He’s promised me to shave my hair completely off tonight so I won’t see the little hairs anymore. I may be vain. But I liked my hair. I was sort of attached to it. Or it was to me any way.

Bald is beautiful. It will grow back. This too shall pass. It’s only for six weeks. There’s people worse off than you. No one is unaffected by cancer.

But I want to scream.

And break stuff.

Then I listen to The Call by Regina Spektor and the tears are flowing freely down my face. I first heard the song on The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian soundtrack. I really relate to the beginning of the song, “It started out as a feeling/Which then grew into a hope/Which then turned into a quiet thought/Which then turned into a quiet word
/And then that word grew louder and louder/’Til it was a battle cry…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY0QcSQf_mc

Thanks for letting me vent. I’ve stopped crying. I will hold fast to the truth of John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

So I’m halfway through the radiation treatments and I have had very little side effects – occasional nausea, hair loss, and headaches. But I’ve got some great wigs in a variety of colors!

This song came on the radio, as I was heading into radiation. The chorus

“You’re the one who conquers giants
You’re the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You’re the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan’s hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I am
You are I am”

We certainly serve an audacious God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JI4CPfuLW0

The lectionary text for this past week, shows Jesus casting out demons. I think of the Florence and the Machine song “Shake it Off” with the lyrics “Every demon wants his pound of flesh….And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back…So shake him off”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0cjxmMDNFo

We serve an audacious God. The Upper Room devotional had this verse from Psalm 62:8 this morning, “Trust in [God] at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” These are my reminders that God is faithful to deliver and no matter how my foolish pride may get in the way, I can always pour out my heart to God.