Posted in Battle, calling, Grief, Health, Hope

Little Hairs

I’m crying alone at my desk with the door closed because it’s been a really cruddy day.  And I can’t go anywhere without seeing these little hairs everywhere.  I’m frustrated.  And I want to go on a date with Mike and stop thinking about these things.  He’s promised me to shave my hair completely off tonight so I won’t see the little hairs anymore.  I may be vain.  But I liked my hair.  I was sort of attached to it.  Or it was to me any way.

Bald is beautiful.  It will grow back.  This too shall pass.  It’s only for six weeks.  There’s people worse off than you.  No one is unaffected by cancer.

But I want to scream.

And break stuff.

Then I listen to The Call by Regina Spektor and the tears are flowing freely down my face.  I first heard the song on The Chronicles of Narnia:  Prince Caspian soundtrack.  I really relate to the beginning of the song, “It started out as a feeling/Which then grew into a hope/Which then turned into a quiet thought/Which then turned into a quiet word
/And then that word grew louder and louder/’Til it was a battle cry…”

Thanks for letting me vent.  I’ve stopped crying.  I will hold fast to the truth of John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

15 thoughts on “Little Hairs

  1. You cry all you want to. It’s your hair. Let me tell you, though, you are a beautiful person with it without hair. I love you.

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. When my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer at 89 in 2011, she shaved her head as soon it started falling out. She couldn’t stand to see it come out. She still wears it as a short messy do at 91. 🙂 I’m glad you are venting. Love you and continued prayers!

  3. Narcie, I am sorry to hear you are having such a bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be a little brighter. I admire your strength. Who knows, you might like your next hair better? Thinking of you, Dolores Brownley

  4. I wish I could hug you right now! This may not be what you’d want to do, but Susan and Ashley let the children be a part of shaving her hair. It seemed “right” for them. Her hair was beautiful when it came back in – dark and curly. Peace and Hope!

  5. We will cry together … I am losing my hair too. Of course, I am an old man and not that good-looking … and mine is leaving me one inch at a time … ah, what the heck … we’re still beautiful! although … I must confess you’re beautiful seems far prettier than my beautiful!

    Still remembering you in every one of my Divine Hours.


  6. I am praying for you! I can only imagine how hard this must all be! You are beautiful and nothing, not even losing your hair, will stop that inner light from shining! You are not defined by your outward beauty (although you have plenty), but what’s inside, and who you are as a woman will always shine through!!

    Blessings and prayers your way always!!

  7. Sorry your day was so cruddy! But you certainly are free to vent all you want. Narcie, You are beautiful inside and out, no matter what! And you know you are loved so you can take that to heart. Hang in there, more than halfway done!

  8. Reblogged this on Beyond Belief and commented:
    For Barbara Brown who has indeed shown me that bald is so beautiful. For Mom who never lost her sense of humor even though she did lose her hair. For Steph who is braver than all of the rest of us that ever built a tree fort or rolled down a sand dune. For Miss L who is more beautiful that she will ever realize. For Gary and Debbie who do not know what the future may hold but know that love conquers all. For E. who is the best Mother and Daughter and Friend a woman could know !!! For B. who blessed me with grace. For every survivor and for everyone who has gone on to Dance in Paradise ! Thank you Narcie, for sharing your Journey, for sharing your faith, for sharing your life !

  9. You are precious in His sight and to all of us. Cry, scream, and by all means go on that date with Mike. Put on a sassy wig that says “Hey world…. I am here and I am strong.” And remember that there is lots of hair just waiting to grow back! We love you.

  10. I know I cannot imagine what you are feeling, but I do know that you are beautiful – you have a loving family, supportive friends and the love of God to help you through crappy days like this one. I hope you and Mike do get to go on a great date night as I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

  11. Your faith & is so strong that it will be ur strengh on the good & bad days. maybe ur new hair will be so perfect in every way u want miss the old hair!
    Sending ulots of hugs & prayers!! You have a right to vent anytime u feel like it!! (I have had a few of those days in the last year as this injury has made my idiopathic neuropathy worse) Becky Hughes

  12. Narcie, you are so right – your hair is/was beautiful but your spirit is even more beautiful and can’t be lost. Praying for your treatment and for your heart to heal from the assaults on your body as a result of cancer. We love you and hold you close in prayer continually.

  13. I love you Jo – cry all you want – you have beautiful hair – but you are beautiful……shave it off…and rock it – you can – and in the meantime – scream – eat some jelly beans – some cupcakes – some candy and know that I love you….

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