Seeing is Believing – “Doubting” Thomas

John 20:19-31 (NRSV)

19 When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” 28 Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

30 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. 31 But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

I think this story is a testimony to the difficulty of faith – how hard it is to believe.  Merriam-Webster defines faith as a “firm belief in something for which there is no proof.”  Belief.  I think of the words from the Apostle’s Creed, “I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and so on…”  or from the praise song – “I believe in Jesus…I believe he is the son of God…that he died and he rose again…that he gave himself for me…”  All week as I’ve thought about this text, the old Steven Curtis Chapman song has rolled around in my head, “I do, I do, I do, I do believe, I know, I know, I know, I know it’s true, Lord, I believe in you.”  Firm belief – faith – is not only foundational, but transformational.  It can be life-changing as we mentally and verbally declare – this is what we believe.  This is who we are.  So what about the disciples – where was their belief, their faith?

The doors are locked in fear.  The disciples are meeting together not just behind closed doors, but locked doors.  Their fear is apparent.  As Jesus was betrayed, they scattered like ants and that initial fear has only been heightened as they believe that their friend, their leader, their rabbi has been crucified.

But wait, prior to this, didn’t Peter and John see the empty tomb and the discarded clothes of Jesus?  Haven’t we heard “Up from the Grave He Arose” and “Christ the Lord is Risen Today” and celebrated the Resurrection with all of the Alleluia’s?  Didn’t Mary Magdalene see and speak with Jesus and then proclaim to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord!”?  It seems that Thomas has gotten a bad rap.  As much preachers like to use “Doubting Thomas” in our sermon illustrations, he wasn’t the only one that needed to see to believe.  They too needed a personal encounter or experience with the Risen Lord.

Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”  I like that he just sort of appeared.  It doesn’t say exactly what the disciples were doing – maybe freaking out or worrying over what they would do next or what would happen to them – but all of a sudden, there was Jesus – Jesus that had been crucified and buried, Jesus that they had deserted, Jesus that they loved and had followed, saying, “Peace be with you.”

He doesn’t say, “Dude, where were you guys?” or “I told you so,” but peace.  Peace.  He showed them his hands and side to prove to them that he wasn’t a ghost, that he was the same Jesus they had known, had eaten with, walked with, learned from, the same Jesus that had been crucified just three days earlier.  The text says, “Then,” “Then” they rejoiced when they saw the Lord.  Not until he showed them did they rejoice.  Seeing was believing.

Again Jesus says, “Peace be with you.”  And then he does an amazing thing – he empowers the disciples and gives them authority.  Not only does he react in compassion to their doubt, but he ordains them to bringing the Good News to the world.  “As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”  They have seen the journey that Jesus has taken – the ups and the downs and especially the persecution.  But he doesn’t ask them to walk this path alone – he gives them the Holy Spirit.  Actually it says, he breathed on them – just like God breathed life into Adam – He breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

The disciple’s faith, their firm belief, was restored.  They thought they would never see him again, and in he walks into the room.  They witnessed in person the Risen and Resurrected Lord.  They had a personal encounter with Jesus.

What does it take for us to believe?  The Gospel of John shows us that faith comes in different ways and with differing intensities to different people. It doesn’t all come in the same neatly wrapped package.  In verse 8 of this same chapter, the beloved disciple believes upon seeing the empty tomb. In verse 16, Mary believes when the Lord calls her name. The disciples here in verse 20 rejoice when they see his hand and side.  And then here comes Thomas.

He had missed out on the action, the unbelievable good news.  They had seen the Lord with their own eyes – but he had not.

Whether out of reaction to all of them seeing and now believing and a little bit of FOMO (fear of missing out) or whether he just needs tangible proof, he takes it a step further.  He not only wants to see Jesus to believe, but he says that he wants to put his finger in the mark of the nails and his hand in his side.  That’s a pretty hardcore and definitive statement.

You see why he’s called Doubting Thomas?  He’s been singled out throughout the ages as someone with inferior faith because he actually expressed his doubt in the resurrection. He made his reservations known out-loud.  He used his outside voice not just wondering in his head. He absolutely refused to say that he understood what he didn’t understand, or that he believed what he didn’t.   He was honest and blunt.  As I said earlier – it’s not that the other disciples immediately believed or that they weren’t scared as well, but Thomas is the one who remains firm – No, I’m not going to believe unless…  And because of that he is the poster child for skepticism. Even those that don’t know the story, have heard of a “Doubting Thomas.”  His name is so synonymous with doubt that if you look in a Webster’s Dictionary you’ll find it in two places: under “d” for doubt and under “t” for Thomas. According to Webster the definition for a “doubting Thomas” is a habitually doubtful person.

But contrary to his bad press in Webster’s, he had not always doubted.  Thomas had believed in the Lord.  In verse 16 of John chapter 11 as Jesus prepared to go to Jerusalem, Thomas says, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”  He had believed and he had followed, but his worst fears had been realized – in his mind, Jesus was dead and that was irreversible.  Any normal person would have that same reaction – because no one previously had been resurrected and no one ever since.  Thomas was speaking out of his grief, out of his fear, out of his anger, out of his despair.

Virginia was 19 years old and pregnant when she went to live with her 15th set of foster parents. Her case file read like a textbook example of neglect, abuse and bureaucratic failure. She sat silently in a chair, hands neatly clasped, staring into her lap. The foster parents, whose three children were in school, had been apprised of Virginia’s story and promised that this placement would be “temporary.” (Temporary was the story of Virginia’s life.)

Finally, the foster mother said, “Are you frightened, Virginia?”

“Kinda,” she replied without looking up. Then, “I’ve been in lots of homes.”

“Well,” the sympathetic woman tried to reassure the bewildered young mother-to-be, “Let’s hope this time turns out for the best.”

Virginia’s reply is one of those statements that sticks to your soul — it was flat, without change of tone and without Virginia even looking up, “Hurts too much to hope.”

Can you imagine?

Thomas could.  It hurt too much for him to hope.  In his mind, dead is dead.  His Lord was dead.  Jesus was dead.  It hurt too much to hope.

In some ways, it seems that Thomas has become a scapegoat – not only for a society who does not prize doubt, but certainty and confidence, but also a scapegoat for the church.  Somehow doubt has come to be seen as wrong, or that it is somehow less than faithful to need a sign, or a touch, or a vision, or a personal encounter.  We get the impression that we are not allowed to ask the hard questions without being labeled a cynic, or a skeptic, or a “liberal.” Since when are questions bad? Since when is it wrong to admit that we don’t understand everything? Since when is it wrong to ask God these things? Read the account of Job, the Prophets or the Psalms. All are filled with uncertainties, complaints, and questions of God. Even Jesus while hanging on the cross cried out to God, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”  Thomas is just one in a long line of faithful people who have raised their voices to ask the hard yet faithful questions.  If one is asking God questions or seeking answers from God, there has to be some kind of faith that God exists and can respond.  When we cry out to God, know that God will answer.  Maybe not immediately or in some of the ways that we want or desire, but God always promises to work things together for good for those that love God.  Our God is a big God and can withstand our doubts, can withstand our fears and can withstand all that we throw at God, and “God with us” will respond.  Jesus doesn’t throw the book at Thomas because of his doubts.  He doesn’t say – welp, you missed out on seeing me, you’re permanently stuck in your unbelief.

A week later, this time the doors are shut, but not locked and Jesus comes and stands among them again saying, “Peace be with you.”  Part of me wonders if he leads off with the “Peace be with you” each time because it’s still probably pretty shocking to see him alive and in their midst.  Immediately he says to Thomas – do it.  Do what you need to do to remove your doubt and believe.  “Do not doubt but believe.”

Thomas’s need to grasp, to touch for proof evaporates as he sees Jesus and he responds, “My Lord and my God!”  Thomas’ fears were removed – he was given all that he needed.

Reminding me very much of Thomas, Paul Tillich writes, “The old faith must die, eaten away by doubts, but only so that a new and deeper faith may be born.”

In France, they grow a lot of grapes, but in France they do not water the grapevines. In California there’s lots of irrigation, but not in France. The French believe that it’s better to have a bad harvest one year than to lose vines due to drought. If you don’t water your vines the roots of those vines go deep, deep, deep into the earth until they touch groundwater and become invulnerable to drought. The harvest may not be great one year but the vines will return the next year.

When we say I believe, when we have a real and personal encounter with our Risen Lord, we sink the roots of our faith deeper and deeper, so deep that these roots of our faith can handle the droughts. The times we feel God is silent.  We don’t know what kind of harsh weather our lives will face; we don’t know the twists and turns awaiting us on this journey, but we trust in the deep, eternal well of God’s faithfulness because we have seen and know. We send our roots deep into the waters of life with God, not because God removes all of our obstacles, all of the storms, but because God walks with us through them.

Jesus knows our doubts just as he knew Thomas’s.  He knows our hearts and if we but ask him he is faithful and true and will answer our doubts.  The Bible says, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you – if we seek the Risen Lord, we will find him.  These encounters come in a variety of ways, they meet us where we are and speak to us in ways that only God can.

Father John Dear in Blessed are the Nonviolent, writes,

“In the summer of 1982, a few months before I entered the Jesuit order, I visited the Holy Land to walk in the footsteps of Jesus.

On the day I left the United States, Israel invaded Lebanon. When I stepped off the plane in Jerusalem, soldiers carrying machine guns searched me. I had unwittingly walked into a full-scale war.

I visited the “Chapel of the Beatitudes,” a small, eight-sided stone church that stands on a hill overlooking the sea. I remember sitting there one afternoon, carefully reading the familiar words inscribed on the chapel walls:

Blessed are the poor. Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the pure in heart. Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are those persecuted for the sake of justice, for Jesus. Love your enemies. Be as compassionate as God.

I walked onto the balcony and surveyed the magnificent Sea of Galilee. It suddenly dawned on me: I think Jesus is serious.

I turned to the sky and called out to God, “Are you trying to tell me something? Do you want me to hunger and thirst for justice? Do you want me to be a peacemaker? Do you want me to love even my enemies?

“All right,” I declared, “I’ll work for peace and justice for the rest of my life — but on one condition: if you give me a sign!”
Immediately, two Israeli jets swooped down at me from the sky above the Sea of Galilee. They roared over me, causing a sonic boom. Moments later, they dropped bombs along the Lebanon border.
Trembling, I made two decisions in that moment. I would devote the rest of my life to working for peace and justice. And I would never ask God for another sign.”

We serve a show and tell God.  I bet that if we thought about it, each of us would have stories to share about the ways that Jesus has met us where we are.  The signs and wonders, the little God things, the assurances, the encounters that strengthen our faith, that help us to believe when we’re down or all seems lost whether it be a word from a friend, that special passage we flip to in God’s Word, or the song that happens to come on the radio when we need to hear it most.  “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”  Blessed are you – who have not physically witnessed the Risen Lord – have not physically seen the nail prints and the scars, but who have come to believe, to know this Jesus.

The text says that this story was written “so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.”  God knows our need for a first-hand encounter. That is why God came to us in the person of Jesus, Emmanuel – God with us.  Jesus does not shrug away from our doubts and questions.  He wants us, he longs for us to believe.  God searches and finds us even when we don’t want to be or don’t think we need to be found.  Jesus breaks through the door of our hearts breathing his Spirit over us literally blowing away our mountains of doubt.  May we let Jesus speak to our hearts, just as he spoke to Thomas.  May Jesus take away our doubts.  Ask and you shall receive, seek and ye shall find.

It doesn’t end there though – After the Lord breaks into our hearts and we have declared “my Lord and my God,” there is a life that proceeds from that point. God calls us out of our locked rooms into the world.  The disciples knew – they had seen and believed, but they could not believe for Thomas.  We can’t believe for our friends and family.  Thomas had to make the decision for himself.  They didn’t ridicule him for his disbelief or kick him out of the fold.  May we also – welcome those that are seeking, that are questioning, those that have never heard the Good News or who have a Christianity that’s contorted beyond recognition. May they see Jesus Christ alive in our hearts and lives. The ways we love each other; the ways we respond to those in need; the ways we strive to live as Christ followers – the hands and feet of Christ.  May we go forth knowing in our hearts that we serve the Risen Lord and may we let that light, that truth be known to the world!  Thomas believed; may we believe also!

The Power of Prayer

Intentional Prayer Time at International Justice Mission
I was reading some blog posts yesterday and one of the commentators asked another if he had prayed about a particular situation going on at his church. She wasn’t seeming to say it in a “jesus juke” fashion of trying to make him look/feel bad or in a way that said look at me the better Christian, but in a real, practical and honest way. It struck me at the time and I read the comment again. It began to challenge me as we live into the present and future of our personal lives, families, ministries, vocations, churches, etc. Have we – several times a day – intentional asked God to show us and lead us and guide us?

I admit that I am better at that sometime than others. I try to read my email version of the Upper Room when I get to the office every morning and I am one of those sometimes rare people that really like Christian music so I often listen to it in the car. I often have a pretty good indicator on how I’m feeling in connection to God by how often I steer clear of the Christian music stations or how often I just skim or delete the devotional. It’s not that I’m intentionally saying – I want some distance between me and God right now. But whether I articulate it that way or not, in many ways that’s what I’m doing.

For me, when I realize that there’s some space there, it’s gut check time. What’s going on that I’m not acknowledging? What’s my hesitation? Why am I not sleeping at night?

In our lives right now we’re busting at the seams with worries. We’ve been getting moving estimates this week and juggling boxes, pick up times, and delivery is awesome. The kids have a two week break between the end of their preschool regular school year and the first summer session and Enoch asks every day why I can’t stay at home on vacation and not go to work. Enjoying the kids for two weeks while keeping the house clean and spotless and ready for someone to do a showing – super stressful. Wondering if people will see the house and want to buy it or if we’re going to juggle payments or end up renting – not for the faint of heart. Realizing that I only have a couple more weeks in the office to get everything settled here and to be emotionally, spiritually, and physically ready to begin a new adventure – baby steps.

It’s a lot.

But I know that we don’t go into this alone. And I know that we are not helpless in facing life’s joys and challenges.

Sometimes I just want to avoid the weight of the pressure and the huge emotion that goes with being personally invested in this crazy ministry that has been more than a job or a ministry but a home and community for over a decade.

Yet God is there, waiting and ready to offer what I need. A random facebook comment to point me in the right direction. Jars of Clay’s “Shelter” coming on my itunes reminding me that “in the shelter of each other is where the people live.” So instead of ducking my head in the sand and being in denial for a bit longer, it’s time to make a list of prayers. Not worries. But prayers. That I will intentionally pray for throughout the day.

1. That our house sells.
2. The Enoch will love his new school and that he will have a great teacher and kindergarten class. That he will make friends and that he’ll continue to do well with his speech and language since he had a delay and worked super hard here so won’t do speech in Florida.
3. That we’ll find a good preschool for Evy and that there will be room for her to join one of the classes. That she’ll make friends and will continue to excel at school.
4. That the actual move will go well. That the estimates are not too crazy much. That everything gets there and transporting us, the kids, the cats and everything else will go well.
5. That Mike will find a church music job and can do what he’s passionate about!
6. Winthrop Wesley and the transition
7. Gator Wesley and the transition

There’s more but I’m sticking with this list – Mike, Enoch, Evy, House, Move, the two Wesley’s.

God help me to remember to come to you and to seek you. Help us to remember to open ourselves to your Word for us and that we can urgently come to you in prayer. Amen.

Coming and Going – Leaping

I talk to my students a lot about not being afraid to take chances, leaps of faith, embrace change. It’s a message that clearly resonates with college students and young adults who are consistently coming and going in residence halls, with roommates, doing internships, studying abroad, and one day graduating and hopefully finding first jobs and new communities.

But as you know, it’s sometimes hard to practice what you preach. It’s hard to move out of comfort zones. It’s hard to put yourself out there. It’s hard to rock the boat.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. Nor does that mean that we’re not called to do it.

On February 29th – ironically – Leap Day – I interviewed for the Pastor/Director position at Gator Wesley in Gainesville, Florida. As y’all know that was a pretty big leap for us but one that we all had prayed about and were excited about – though I admittedly was terrified as well – duh. I was trying to live into what I tell my students a bit and I posted on facebook, “Can’t help but thinking about “leaping” today. I don’t know if one would necessarily leap into Lent or the wilderness, but I hope we can leap into growing on our journey with God, loving in community, and taking risks and acting in faith in our callings and the living of our lives!”

The thing that I love about community and the comings and the goings is that just because things change, that doesn’t mean that what was shared wasn’t precious or that love and life and story shared just goes away. But we continue to journey and take risks and answer callings.

So in that vein – we “leaped.” The Jeter fam will be moving to Gainesville this summer and someone else will be leaping to Winthrop Wesley. Prayers for these comings and goings and a huge thanks to all of those fellow journeyers out there! May we all be ready to leap when God opens a window!

Link to my leaving announcement on the Winthrop Wesley blog: http://wuwesley.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/announcement-from-narcie/

I Want to Go Home

There’s something about that saying, “I want to go home.”  We’ve been at the beach this past week with my fam and the kids had a blast playing in the ocean and the pool and going to the inlet to see Aunt Guyeth and catch crabs and play with Nemo the dog.  It was a great week.  But it’s funny, every time Enoch would get tired or cranky or even not get his way, he would say, “I want to go home.”

Now that didn’t mean that he really wanted to go home.  We would ask him if he wanted to pack everything up and get in the car, and of course he said no.  But there’s something about saying, “I want to go home.”

This past Wednesday parsonage families across the South Carolina Annual Conference moved.  These families are always close to my heart during this time of year because I remember how that was as a preacher’s kid in a parsonage family myself.  I don’t attempt to speak for all preacher’s kids because we all have different experiences and see things differently, but for me “home” was a big concept.

In the early years, my two brothers and I were sent to our grandparents house while Mom and Dad moved everything from one house to another.  They would set up our rooms with the our “stuff” and toys in them and it would feel a little more like home by the time we got there.  In one of these first houses, apparently I wrote my name and our phone number on the mattress in my bedroom in case it got lost.  I didn’t realize that not even the bed came with us and this was a running joke for the family that came after us.

We’ve gone down the road of explaining to people, yep, in our church one family moves out in the morning and another family moves into the parsonage in the afternoon.  For some reason, that’s a hard one for people to get.  It is a little strange.

As we got older we knew that when Mom started playing Steven Curtis Chapman’s “For the Sake of the Call” that we better get ready to move.  The Spring around the Cabinet convening time was always a time of anticipation/nervousness/fear that this would be the year when we moved.  And different families do this so many different ways in terms of how it’s communicated to kids, how the transition is made, how much of your own furniture goes, preparing the child to move, etc.

Now I want say that every move was great.  Or that every transition was smooth.  Or that each of us felt the same way about each place we lived.  There were definitely highs and lows and everything in between at each place.  But however we were taught to understand it, we knew that we were moving and that this wasn’t just something that was Dad’s job – it was his calling and that God would take care of us too.  Does that mean everything was always sunny and rosy?  Nope.  But I think I can speak for Josh and Caleb as well when I say that we wouldn’t be the people we are today if not for all of these experiences.

Even those times when we would say, “I want to go home.”  And that home be a house that now had another family living in it at our old church.  Some clergy couple friends have said that their daughter is having a hard time saying goodbye to her friends and her school and I totally get that.  It’s hard and tough and not fun.  And not all of us cope well.  Not everyone makes new friends easily and wants to leave the old town behind, but I think there are a great many of us that learn some things about ourselves along the way – making new friends, being able to talk to a wide variety of people, seeing different places and different communities and how different churches work, and all sorts of things that are just engrained.

So blessings on those this week in between “homes” and trust that not just home is where the heart is but home is also where you make it and how you create it.  Even if it’s the one picture hung on the wall or that one stuffed animal or everyone being together.  May we know and trust that our home is with God and that it’s not just something we cling to when we’re scared or angry or things aren’t going our way, but is something that is eternal and can’t be taken from us.  May we feel it and may we know it.

Prayer for Moving Preacher’s Kids

Lord Jesus, please bless all of these children moving this week whether they’re toddlers to teenagers.  Give them peace and strength and courage as they move from place to place.  Help the move be an easy one.  Give them the friends that they need and the comforts and hope they need for them to feel at home.  Create a haven and shelter for them in this new place and a community of faith and support to surround them and lift them in this time of transition and uncertainty.  Provide the teachers, youth leaders, people that will give them that word of encouragement and will nurture and help them grow into the people you created them to be.  Give their parents strength and clarity and the rest they need to not only be pastors and leaders but also spouses and parents.  Give them the time and priorities and balance of both church and family and the vision and tenacity to know what needs to happen when.  Help these families find the special things that they need and locate the right box or restaurant or grocery store or park.  Give them not just a physical house, but a real and spiritual home.  Help make their way easier and for them to know and trust in your providence and love for them.  Surround them in your grace and peace that they may be wrapped in your mercies anew each day.  In your name we pray.  Amen.

Neurologist Update

Hi y’all,

I realized earlier today I haven’t really updated folks on the latest health stuff.  It’s both easy and difficult to push that to the back of my mind – especially this time of the year as we prepare for the students return.

Mike and I went a couple weeks ago to the new neurologist and she’s great!  An Emory Med School grad and it was like night and day from before which was great.  Mike particularly liked her which is high praise.  We talked to her about the small things that have changed since the surgery and she did some tests that proved that we weren’t just imagining things.  I have found that I can’t always remember simple things or people’s names even I’ve known them forever.  She showed me some flash cards with simple objects on them and although I knew what each was and they were simple like an umbrella or something like that.  I couldn’t actually say all of their names for a little while.  It’s like I know it but there’s some sort of delay or block.  I knew that I had been feeling this way but when she did that test, I knew for sure, that everything wasn’t “back to normal.”  We then did a test where you’re supposed to walk in a straight line.  Yes, like the drunk test.  Welp, totally bombed that one too.  I haven’t noticed any difference in regular life with my motor skills so that was a little startling to know that even that’s a little off.  She said she would testify on behalf if I failed a DUI test – no worries there since I can’t drive but it was funny nonetheless.

 I know that this is normal after brain surgery and many people laugh and say this comes with age.  I get that.  I’m not expecting to do everything that I could do before or to be able to snap my fingers and that this all will disappear.  But it’s tough because like she said that day – I look perfectly normal.  The way my hair is cut and the way I part it now completely covers up my scar that stretches 22 sutures from the top of my head to my ear.  Now that is a great haircut!  When you look normal and you’re trying to go back to your life and all of the same challenges and demands, it’s easy to forget that things are different.

For someone that talks and remembers things as part of her job – her ministry – her vocation – her life – not being able to think clearly on your feet is hard.  There’s no way around that.  Am I worried about August quickly approaching and getting ready for the school year?  Heck yes.  Am I worried that my normal “meditations” with the students in worship will be that much more difficult trying to remember and bring things together?  Yep.  Am I learning that I need to depend on other people more and I need to rest in the grace of God more?  Oh yeah.  I feel like a middle schooler without her license as I ask people for rides all the time.  But then again, it’s good to let others help you sometimes.  If we really are community it’s a balance of each of us helping and taking turns and building up the body.

Anyway – long story short – the neurologist says I’ll be on the seizure meds for 2 years if nothing happens again.  One piece of good news that I liked since I’m a little afraid of the seizures – if I have a little seizure (not go unconscious) then that doesn’t start over my 6 months wait to drive.  Scary I know.  Only if I go unconscious does that restart so November 28th I am looking forward to you!  I’ll see the neurologist again in January so the only thing on the docket now is the MRI in September.

That and getting ready for the school year!  But hey that’s just the normal crazy campus minister to do list…

Mike has done a lot of songs by Michael Gungor in The Journey service and I really do like his music a lot.  We’ve been playing the Gungor album “Beautiful Things” in our car for a while.  Below is a song by their group called “Please Be My Strength.”  It’s melody and lyrics speak to me and I hope it will speak to some of you.

I’ve tried to stand my ground
I’ve tried to understand
but I can’t seem to find my way
 
like water on the sand
or grasping at the wind
I keep on falling short
 
please be my strength
please be my strenth
I don’t have anymore
I don’t have anymore
 
I’m looking for a place
that I can plant my faith
one thing I know for sure
 
I cannot create it
I cannot sustain it
It’s Your love that’s keeping (captured) me
 
Please be my strength…
 
at my final breath
I hope that I can say
I’ve fought the good fight of faith
 
I pray your glory shines
through this doubting heart of mine
so my world would know that You
 
You are my strength
You and You alone
You and You alone
Keep bringin me back home