My mom sent me a song in an email. It’s meant to be encouraging. It’s meant to speak truth to my life. It’s meant to remind me that God’s with me.
But I deleted it.
This was a particularly low point in chemo (I had brain surgery in May of this past year and they completely got all the tumor, but because it had changed to a grade III which is cancerous and my type of a tumor – an oligodendroglioma – is in the cells, the doctors thought that I should have radiation for 30 days as well as chemo for 6 months. The surgery also affected my speech and right arm since it had invaded the motor cortex.)
But you know how God keeps popping up, two weeks ago, my friend Corrie posted the video. I hesitated opening the link because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it could be about me. You see the song was Mandisa’s “Overcomer.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg (Mandisa’s Overcomer Lyric video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8VoUYtx0kw (Mandisa’s Overcomer Actual video)
I felt God working on my heart so I finally listened to the song. And I’m glad I did.
My communication skills are something I’ve taken for granted. I heavily rely on written and verbal communication. I didn’t realize how much it was my “go to” thing. Until I lost my ability to communicate. These gifts were a part of my identity. They made me who I am. I’ve struggled to find my new normal and I have often found it frustrating. But God has been faithful in the midst. Giving me the verses of scripture that I need for me to keep moving forward.
“Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him.” – Psalm 37:7
“The battle is not for you to fight; take your position, stand still, and see the victory on your behalf…Do not fear or be dismayed…the Lord will be with you.” – 2 Chronicles 20:17
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” – James 4:8
“From now on I will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you. They are created now, and not long ago.” – Isaiah 48:6-7
The Lord said to Moses, “I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” – Exodus 9:16
The Lord said, “See, I have refined you, but not like silver; I have tested you in the furnace of adversity.” – Isaiah 48:10
The Lord said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Last week as I drove back from Evensong, I was sharing with a friend, that I felt like there were moments during Communion as I said the Communion liturgy where it naturally flowed. It was the first time post-surgery, I had ever felt that way. That’s when “Overcomer” came on the radio. I had never heard it on the radio before. I guess it’s not in the regular rotation on the JOY FM or 106.9 The Pulse. I just had to stop the car and acknowledge this as a God moment as tears began to fall.
On August 20th my mom sent me another email that had a new video with Laura Story, who she knows I really like and yet again, I haven’t opened the email until this afternoon. Call me a slacker. Call me an avoider. Call me a procrastinator.
Here’s the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VRUU8UBXCk – Laura Story’s “I Can Just Be Me”
We need a healer, comfort, peace… What makes you, YOU? You’re enough. You’re more than enough. Laura Story says about the song, “How freeing it is to just sit back and allow God to be the one that writes the story. Allow God to be the healer in the relationship.” God loves you for you. You were known in secret in your mother’s womb. God knows when we sit and when we rise. What makes you think that God doesn’t know what’s on our hearts – our worries, our fears, our hurts, our struggles? So why are we surprised when God shows up and provides what we need? God is faithful when we least expect it. Even when we don’t want to hear it. Even when we’re kicking and screaming. Even when we ignore Mom’s emails.