Category: Faith

Posted in Camping, Faith, Family, Journey, Lost, Spirit, vacation

Journey for Parts Unknown

Posted on by narciejeter

We went on “vacation” last week to Garden City Beach with my family.  Some dear, dear folks have graciously given us use of their condo since I was 6 years old and that has been the greatest blessing!  Enoch has been talking about the beach all summer and it was great for Evy to experience it as well!  The first day she was like ew…sand…yuck, but by the last day she was sitting in the mud as we dug a huge pool, river and pond.  I know, I know – who digs a river…and yes, in high tide, someone probably fell over in that deep hole we dug as the “pool.”  But it was good times!

Why is vacation in quotation marks?  Because when you take a one and a half and three year old to the beach or anywhere for that matter on “vacation” is it really vacation?  Trying to get them to sleep, follow directions, eat, nap and overall keep them sane and occupied is a near miracle and is certainly not restful for anyone.  Last week’s lectionary text from Hebrews (11:1-3, 8-16) begins by talking about faith and uses Abraham as an example as he is given this promise of God and sets out on this journey with his wife Sarah across parts unknown sleeping in tents and not knowing what the next day will bring but having this promise.  Dude.  We can’t even make it to the beach without a gazillion toys, snacks, books, and all of the “stuff” that we need to survive for less than a week. 

On the way to the beach (we left on a Sunday night) and I was exhausted.  Like for real tired.  The kids were asleep cuddled up in their child seats with their stuffed animals and I wanted to fall asleep so badly, but I’ve always been the one to drive to the beach and Mike doesn’t know all the cut throughs to get down there the non-GPS way.  So here I am awake telling him to go down Old Marion Road, no not that light, the next one, etc.  And I’m thinking oh wow – Abraham had no map, had no GPS, had no clearly marked laid out plan, and yet he took off, packed himself and his family up, and trusted God.

That is CRAZY.  There are many of us that are anti-GPS or even anti-google directions or anti-maps.  Some of us like to wander.  Some of us like to discover.  Some of us like the journey.  (Not with two toddlers, mind you…but you get the drift.)  J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, “Not all those who wander are lost.”  Dad actually picked up a t-shirt with those words while we were at the beach.  Of course we gave him a hard time for that because that’s what we do since he loves his Mt. Mitchell camping extravaganzas, but I must say that I secretly liked the shirt a lot.  And I’ve always loved that quote.

Sometimes our wandering is part of the journey.  I was thrilled to return home and get our latest Entertainment Weekly out of the mailbox.  I love that magazine.  I do!  Call me crazy but I love stories and I love a magazine that talks about movies, tv, broadway, and books and has great columns with critical thinkers.  Good stuff.  Anyway – so there was a surprise for me in this issue.  I thought my days of getting little nuggets about the tv show Lost were over, but little did I know that with the new collection of dvd’s coming out, I’d get another gift of an article.  Some of you are like why in the world are you still talking about that ridiculous show and others of you are thinking I need to go get me an Entertainment Weekly.  But seriously it totally made sense to me and this text and this place that many of us are in – this journey.  Carlton Cuse one of the Executive Producers who wrote the show’s finale with Damon Lindelof were talking about how the finale was polarizing – some people happy with it and some people feeling like they wasted 6 years of their lives watching it.  He says, “It seems that the people who embraced the show as a journey and were not fixated on answers probably had the better experience with the show.”  Call me crazy but I completely resonate with that right now in terms of real life…

I’m not saying that we don’t wrestle with the big answers and the twists and turns and the why’s because as I’ve said before – God can handle those and God will give us what we need, but I am saying that part of this is the walk that we are on.  Part of this journey, this path is faith.  Faith that some of the big answers will take care of themselves and some may never get answered on this side of life, but faith that the journey – the life of faith that we lead – is enough.  It’s really easy to talk about faith and a lot harder to embrace it.  It’s really easy to talk the big talk about taking the scenic route and trusting our instincts or the leading of the Holy Spirit, but it’s a lot harder to put our money where our mouth is and not take the GPS.  Sometimes our faith leads us in scary directions with no quick Curious George DVD to plug in and a feeling of vertigo, and that’s tough and it’s scary and it’s real, but sometimes those scary places lead us to mountains of the highest heights and views we couldn’t have imagined and memories we will cherish like my prissy and beautiful little Evy with gritty and slimy beach sand all over her happily playing in the muck and loving it.  If we get stuck in place or if we’re too scared to move or if we stick our heads in the sand or are too busy to notice or care – yeah life seems pretty point a to b to c to d, turn left here, stay straight, this is how you get to your next destination.  But if we let go and let the Spirit lead…yep, we may have some twists and turns, yes, turbulence could be ahead, but what a ride.  What a faith that speaks.

Posted in Faith, God, Music, Uncategorized

The Nature of God

Posted on by narciejeter

In preparing for last week’s sermon on Prayer and in talking with some students over the past couple days about life and the twists and turns in the road, I realize that so much of faith and how you view the world depends on what you think the nature of God is. 

If your view of God is that of someone that takes away everything good in your life or does the bait and switch or just randomly gives and takes with no thought to you or anyone around you – wow – that can mess with your head.  It would be hard to believe in a God like that.  It would be hard to pray to a God like that.  But if we believe in a just God, a God of goodness and love and power – a God that draws us towards Godself even when we don’t realize it – that’s a different view of God.

A lot of the songs that I think of when I think about the nature of God do describe God’s power and majesty and I do like “You are God Alone” and “Indescribable.”  I also find the very personal descriptions of God powerful as well.  Great Is Thy Faithfulness and Just a Closer Walk With Thee….awesomely meaningful.

I don’t have a lot of great answers in this post but it did strike me in thinking about prayer and the decisions that we make and the paths that we’re on – so much depends on how we see the God that we serve.  What to you is the essence of God?  Do you see an old man with a white beard?  Do you see sunshine and rainbows?  We did a program at Wesley once last year where students painted the image they had of God when they were children and the image they have of God now and it was great to see both of those images and hear their explanations for them.  It’s definitely food for thought.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Indescribable by Laura Story and Jesse Reeves

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation’s revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
And You know them by name
You are amazing, God

All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees
As we humbly proclaim
You are amazing, God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet, conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
And You know them by name
You are amazing, God

All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees
As we humbly proclaim
You are amazing, God
You are amazing, God

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
And You know them by name
You are amazing God

All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees
As we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
And You know them by name
You are amazing, God

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart
And You love me the same
You are amazing, God
You are amazing, God

You are God Alone by Phillips, Craig & Dean

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You’re the only God
Whose power none can contend
You’re the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You’re the only God
Who’s worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that’s just the way it is

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That’s what You are

Posted in Faith, God's Providence, Grace, Guidance, Healing, Health, Justice, Movies, Prayers, pride, Sermons, Trust

Prayer

Posted on by narciejeter

This Sunday’s Gospel lectionary text is Luke 11:1-13.  It begins with the disciples asking Jesus to teach them how to pray and Jesus teaching them Lord’s prayer followed by him talking about seeking and finding and words that I say in just about every other sermon or talk with students at one time or another.  Very familiar words… “Ask, and it will be given you; search and you fill find; knock, and hte door will be opened for you.  For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Then it goes on talking about eggs and scorpions.  It’s a rich text.  And when I picked it at the beginning of the week when I working on the bulletin, I really wanted to work on it and see where the Spirit led because while saying the Lord’s prayer in the midst of The Journey service last week, I actually stumbled over some of the words – can’t even remember which ones now – because I was thinking about what they actually meant and what we’re actually saying when we say that familiar and yet powerful prayer.

I admit that as often is the case when I pick a text as time gets closer to Sunday I start to second guess and think that I might should have gone with one of the others.  It is always awe-inspiring for me to think about all of the little and amazing things that God brings to us when we’re wrestling with something.  This week it has been prayer for me.  Part of me does regret picking that text because there’s a part of me that’s not ready to think seriously and openly about this text after the events of the past couple months.  It’s still a little too personal to put into a sermon or to reflect on.

Mike brought in the poster board card that the folks at SC’s Annual Conference made me while I was having surgery.  Who knows how it ended up in my trunk and I have no clue who brought it from Florence but it ended up in Wesley on Thursday morning as Mike was cleaning out my trunk.  I can’t say how much those prayers meant to me and continue to mean to me.  I can’t begin to express how much I want to keep asking and knocking on that door in prayer in hope.

I’ve been reading various women’s books over all this time out of sheer boredom from doctor’s office visits and when the kids are watching that episode of Caillou or Dora or Phinneas and Ferb for the millionth time.  (Sidenote:  most women’s books are so depressing and sad – does no one believe in happy endings anymore besides the Christian fiction authors???)  One of my dear students here let me borrow The Time Traveler’s Wife before she left for the summer.   Beautiful story.  Deep love.  I will never watch the movie because it’s more sad than I want, but beautiful.  Yet again I do think God brings random things into our lives that wake us up to a truth we need to see or things we need to realize or just that guidance that we can’t always even understand.  In reading the ending of that book – I found myself realizing that even though I have prayed and felt uplifted throughout this journey and I have appreciated the prayers of so many, I’ve never actually cried out specifically for God to heal me. 

It kind of freaks me out even to type it.  I know that’s weird.  Especially for a pastor that does believe that prayer can do miraculous things.  And someone that does believe in the “Heal me and I will be healed.  Save me and I will be saved.  For you alone are God.”  So in thinking about the sermon that I have no idea what I’m going to really say tomorrow – what makes us afraid to ask or knock or seek?  What holds us back?  What stands in our way?

Crying out to God that night, trying to figure it out – I don’t know.  It’s a lot of things.  Fear that it won’t happen.  Fear of what healing really means and for how long.  Fear that even if everything is healed, I won’t know how to go back to life as usual.  Is it pride?  Do I pray for others but not want to pray for myself?  Why is that?  I’m no more resilient or together and certainly not any more godly.  Is it that I see people all around every day and I hear stories of people that need healing so much more and I wonder and rail that I’m sure some of them ask, seek, and knock and where are their good gifts and not scorpions?  I just saw a blip of Ann Curry’s special on the Today Show with the family of 10 living on $500 a month and I’m like why am I even taking the time to write a blog or eating lifesaver gummies when there are people out there that are struggling and hurting needing “good gifts” as much as the rest of us.

Do we think we’re not good enough to ask?  Or not deserving enough?  Or needy enough?  Or nice enough?  What is it that holds us back from prayer?  What makes it hard to ask and give these things over?  Control?  Pride?  Fear?  Anger at what we’ve seen as unanswered prayer?

In watching Anne of Green Gables on PBS for a couple weekends I noticed how Marilla first taught Anne how to pray and she explained to her in a very simple manner – that she should thank God for God’s blessings and then ask God if there’s something she’d like.  Hilarious scene.  Sadly youtube does not have it.  I think about the whole ACTS – Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication.  I think of all the prayer circles and prayer ministries and prayer shawls (and Windsor UMC I love the one y’all made me!  it is in my office and i’ve already had a couple students wrap in it and i hope feel your prayers!).  I read this passage and think very layered/complicated back and forth theology blah, blah, blah statements but you know it’s really pretty simple.  Ask – it will be given, search – find, knock – door open.  It’s not complicated.  And yet somehow we make it so in our minds.  Or maybe that’s just mine.

I don’t have all the answers and I feel sure that I won’t have come up with them by tomorrow morning at 11 am, but I do know that God is a God of love and that God does love us as God’s very own.  So those scorpions or the AIDS or the heart attacks or the car accidents or the cancers or the abuse or the hurricanes are not from God.  They can be used by God for our good but our God knows us, loves us and seeks the best for us.

Maybe that’s what it boils down to…the trust and the faith to believe not only that God answers prayer and that God hears us, but that God is love and is good and is not going to bait and switch us and give us a mouse trap to stick our fingers in instead of an awesome gigantic lollipop.  It is with confidence and boldness that we pray knowing that we are heard and held by the great God of the universe.  We can cry out when we’re starting a new job, or a new school, or a new adventure and we will be answered.  We can continue to ask the hard questions and wrestle and just not understand and as we seek, surely we will find…Can’t wait for each of us to knock on that door and to see the warm light and smile when the door is opened.

Found this from Celine Dion and Josh Groban on youtube.  I know a little cheesey but I do think there’s a love and emotion in there that is present in these passages about prayer…that love of parent and child – that guidance and leading.

I pray you’ll be our eyes, and watch us where we go.
And help us to be wise in times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

The light you have
I pray we’ll find your light
will be in the heart
and hold it in our hearts.
to remember us that
When stars go out each night,
you are eternal star
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
quanta fede c’è
when shadows fill our day

How much faith there’s
Let this be our prayer
in my prayer
when shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

We dream a world without violence
a world of justice and faith.
Everyone gives the hand to his neighbours
Symbol of peace, of fraternity
We ask that life be kind
and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
another soul to love

The force his gives us
We ask that life be kind
is wish that
and watch us from above
everyone finds love
We hope each soul will find
around and inside
another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer, just like every child

Need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
Need to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

It’s the faith
you light in us
I feel it will save us

Posted in Culture, Faith, God's Providence, Grace, Movies

Feed the Birds

Posted on by narciejeter

The kids were watching Mary Poppins the other day and I was struck by the story of the lady feeding the birds.  Mary Poppins is talking the kids into being excited about going with their father to work the next day and she starts telling them about the lady as she holds a beautiful snow globe of it.

In talking about the father in the story and of course of you know the movie he’s kind of a tough rules and order-oriented dad, the kids ask why people don’t stop and give lady money or why they don’t see her altogether.  Mary Poppins answers, “Some people don’t see past the end of their nose.”

Some of us don’t see past the end of our noses.  If we’re too busy in the goings on of life it’s easy not to see the world around us or the needs around us.  I read an article (http://homelessness.change.org/blog/view/please_dont_feed_our_homeless_many_cities_say)You give and last night about some cities outlawing or making it really difficult for people to feed the homeless in their cities.  Wow.  I’m not even going to get into the statistics of how many of our homeless are veterans or are mentally ill or the many, many folks who have found themselves homeless for the first time in the past couple years in our economy.

But a challenge to each of us is to see past the end of our noses and our own little worlds and to see what we can do.  It’s easy to see issues like hunger or homelessness or human trafficking or immigration or education reform as these big, huge things that we can’t make a difference in.  But all those commercials that say that all of us together, all of our little drops in the bucket CAN make a difference – that’s not just Hollywood or a pipe dream.  That’s real.  What can we do today?  What are you passionate about?  What has God given you a vision for?

Trying to see past the end of my nose…

“Feed the Birds” Lyrics

Early each day to the steps of Saint Paul’s
The little old bird woman comes
In her own special way to the people she call,
“Come, buy my bags full of crumbs;
Come feed the little birds,
Show them you care
And you’ll be glad if you do
Their young ones are hungry
Their nests are so bare
All it takes is tuppence from you
Feed the birds, tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag
Feed the birds,” that’s what she cries
While overhead, her birds fill the skies

All around the cathedral the saints and apostles
Look down as she sells her wares
Although you can’t see it,
You know they are smiling
Each time someone shows that he cares

Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen, she’s calling to you
“Feed the birds, tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag”

Posted in Faith, Sermons, Television, Worship

More than the Good Samaritan

Posted on by narciejeter

So Sunday I preached the Luke 10:25-37 text which is commonly known as the Good Samaritan text.  I remember learning about the Good Samaritan in Sunday School with the felt board and little characters at Wesley Chapel.  When you’re a kid though you don’t get the inside info of the beginning piece of the lawyer asking Jesus “What do I need for eternal life?” or the back and forth of the conversation, and I totally don’t remember getting the big deal of this being a person from Samaria being the one to help.  All I know as a child was that this person was hurt on the road and needed help and yet these two people that were supposed to be the godly ones kept walking past while this other guy actually stopped, helped and supported the hurt person.  Pretty simple lesson right?  You want to be the one that stops and helps and not the don’t make eye contact, keep hurrying along people.

We watch The Bachelorette every Monday night.  Yes I know that is trashy television, some believe it’s scripted, they almost always break up, it’s contrived, etc., etc.  But I still love the show and when you can fast forward the yucky parts including most of the rose ceremony – it ain’t half bad.  Anyway, right after The Bachelorette they have this insane show that gets on my absolute nerves called True Beauty.  The whole premise is that these contestants think they’re trying to win a chance to be “The Face of Vegas” and they do all these challenges and everything, but the real contest is all these hidden cameras shooting them and showing what they’re really made of.  You see, they’re supposed to have beauty not just on the outside but on the inside as well.  So it records if they’ll cheat to get ahead or if they’re trash talking behind someone’s back or if they, just like the Good Samaritan, help those in need right in front of them or they just keep walking.  We didn’t end up watching the whole show because we wanted to catch up on some Leverage, but we caught the last 5 minutes where the poor girl was eliminated because she did cheat at the challenges, she did trash talk and she didn’t bother to help a mother trying to take care of her child and load luggage into her car, while the other contestant did.

So in thinking about the Good Samaritan I think about True Beauty.  If our lives were recorded every day what would the verdict be for us?  Would we have true beauty or would we cheat, trash talk, and keep walking when there’s an obvious need that we could do something about?  Lord only knows.  Literally.  I mean you’ve been waiting in a line at a red light with the other cars and someone’s trying to raise money for the Humane Society or the local Fire Department or some other group.  Do you readily give or do you do like I sometimes do and suddenly you get very busy changing the radio station, digging in your purse, or texting someone on your phone.  Do not make eye contact.

What I like about this text is that it’s not just about the story.  It starts off with that eternal life question and then it digs deep into the law – straight from Deuteronomy 6:4-9, “Hear O Israel:  The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.  Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart.  Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Bind the as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”  And the other law follows – to love your neighbor as yourself.

On Sunday I took a blue sharpie marker and wrote on my palm the word “LOVE” for the children’s sermon.  There’s just something about those words in Deuteronomy about writing this as a sign on your hand or an emblem on your forehead.  Some of us might think wait a sec I don’t want to toot my horn and put all this stuff out there like I’m somehow better than other folk.  Or maybe it’s like many a pastor including me that has said I don’t want to put anything on my car – fish, bumper sticker, or clergy sticker – because I sure don’t drive like I should.  If we wrote something on our hand or on our forehead reminding us to love God and love neighbor – would that help remind us?  would that make us pause before we look away?  would that make us see the world a little differently?

The new Senior Pastor at St. John’s said some wise words the other day.  If the church isn’t going to really welcome people, we might as well take welcome off the door.  That’s made me think a lot.  We just took down our two welcome signs at Wesley so that we could paint and add some new ones.  It definitely makes you think.  If we’re not going to live it, we sure as heck better not say we do.  That’s a challenge to each of us.

What would they show on your True Beauty?  None of us get it right all the time, but I’d like to think we’re at least striving towards it with God’s grace.  What situations challenge you to show love?  patience?  grace?

Posted in Faith, Television

Lights Will Lead You Home

Posted on by narciejeter

So am I the only one who has been incessantly watching America’s Got Talent?  I don’t know if it’s the lack of things on television right now or I’m just waiting to start watching Big Brother (love that show!), but we have been watching America’s Got Talent over and over and over.  They’re now down to the final 48 if you don’t know.  If that seems like a lot of people/acts left to you – wow you don’t know how long it took to get there or with what angst.

These episodes stress me out.  I know that makes me a sad person that I get so emotionall invested in tv shows but it’s not like these people are all professional people that are used to being rejected.  Some of these people you envision are just like you and me – joe blow.  Maybe melodramatic but it’s heart breaking when some of them get the boot.  I really wanted the guy with the kite to make it even though I know you couldn’t watch that for over an hour in a Vegas act (and that’s the prize) but still….  I don’t like to see the crushing rejection.  That’s not entertainment.  But you can’t have the good without the bad.  For every sad defeat, you’ve got someone who gets blown away by the opportunity to perform in Hollywood in front of a live audience one step closer to their dream.  Those moments are amazing!  The excitement, joy, hugs….wow….the blonde girl that sings Jewel and grew up in foster care, the kid from Alabama whose Dad said him making it was the most proud moment of his life, I can’t believe they let the hand whistle lady go through but dude – she was jumping up and down with a walker – that is excitement.

Last night as they were making some folks dreams happen and they were sadly crushing others they played Coldplay’s “Fix You.”  I like this song.  I’ve like it for a long time.  There’s something about the melody and the build up in the middle that really speak to the journey for me…that really speak to the every person.  One of the lectionary scriptures this week is from Luke (10:25-37) and it’s talking about the Good Samaritan and who our neighbor is…among other things.  When I think about America’s Got Talent and how some of these crazy yokels could literally be our next door neighbor – I think about that story.  When I think about MLK’s wise words that we encounter half the world every morning in the clothes that we wear and the food that we eat and all of the many ways that our wide but intricately connected world makes quick neighbors of even the most far-reaching among us.  I think about this Coldplay song and the lights the lead each of us home.  Not I’m not listening to the song for complete theological accuracy and no I’m not debating the “I will try to fix you,” because I think God does a heck of a lot more than just fix us.  But I do like that even as melancholy as the song starts out, the building instrumental bridge in the middle and the crescendo that happens there to me speaks very much to the ebb and flow of life and that we are all in this together.  That lights/our neighbors/the love of God/all sorts of crazy things do lead us home.

So who are those neighbors?  Who are the lights in our life?  What does that mean as we follow God?  What is Jesus trying to say here?  I am thankful for those that journey with us.  Those that we know and those that we don’t.  Those that we see every day and those that we see once in a lifetime.  Those that we think are just like us and those that challenge and stretch our points of view in mighty and prophetic ways.

I guess we’ll see how our neighbors in this crazy tv show will do in the coming weeks…

Posted in Campus Ministry, Faith, Music, Worship

It’s a New Day

Posted on by narciejeter

I played Michael Buble’s Feeling Good a couple months ago at church.  Can’t remember the text at this point but it was about the swagger.  There’s a certain swagger to Michael Buble and this song and I think there’s often a certain swagger to the new day that was created in the resurrection.  When Easter came -” it really was a new dawn, a new day, a new life.”  Not that I’m actually picturing Jesus swaggering.  Can’t imagine him in a rat pack hat.  Not even “Buddy Jesus” a la Dogma.  But there is a certain swagger to this new day that has been created.  A day where we have hope.  A day where we aren’t just talking in metaphors and imagery, but we are God’s people here on earth trying to live into the already and not yet of God’s kingdom now.  Among us.

That is a powerful thing.  We’re not just all hanging out down here and doing the best we can for the heck of it.  We’ve been charged with bringing God’s kingdom to earth – that’s pretty weighty and scary and awesome and humbling.  It’s a new day – “There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or fre, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” (Galations 3:28)  No more do we have to bow down to classism or sexism or racism or whatever else.  No more do we have to just assume things are going to go on being and doing as they always have.  No more do we have to wait for someone else to stand up and make a difference.  It’s a new day for each of us.  It’s a new time for each of us.  It’s a new opportunity for each of us to really know each other and meet needs and get connected and become community.

Shane Claiborne’s article about inter-dependence day said it much better then I could so here’s a link http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shane-claiborne/this-july-4th-lets-celebr_b_633710.html.  In thinking about college campuses and what gets someone through the door of a campus ministry – what gets folks to seek community – what makes that connection – I can’t help but look towards the fall semester.  I know that having that community around you is vital in college life.  Having fellow journeyers with you is essential and I can’t fathom not having that support.  But how in a world where everyone feels connected (hello facebook, twitter, myspace, whatever the latest trend is) do you actually show the importance of real relationships and the vital news that we as a community, as a body of believers can make real change in the world?

I love Michael Buble’s song because of it’s implications for our Christian walk, but I also love it for this coming school year because we’re doing some things a little bit different at Winthrop Wesley.  Change is scary people.  Let me tell you.  I love how we’ve done things.  I love the students that have been here and are here.  A campus minister friend of mine shared an image that a campus minister shared with him about what campus ministry is like.  It’s like building sand castles in the sand.  As soon as you have a really good looking castle, the waves come and wash it away.  There are pros and cons with that – our “congregation” changes roughly every 4 years and even with students you’ll get the “but we’ve never done it that way before even if it’s been 2 years instead of 30.”  This past year we had a large group of seniors graduate and with some changes to Winthrop’s schedule and with the opening of the new Student Center, the Student Leadership Team and I thought this might be time to make a change.

So we are.  We’re going to mix up our meeting times, we (meaning the lovely Jonathan and Marissa) have painted some of our space, we’re going to do small groups differently and who knows what else differently.  Can’t wait for God to show us how this is going to look because it’s a scary thing stepping out and not doing the same thing that you’ve always done.  The familiar and the natural rhythm can’t be underestimated, but when you know it’s time, you know it’s time.

The main thing we’re doing differently this year is that we’re going to have a mission focus.  We will continue all of our work with social justice in terms of Hunger and Homeless Awareness Week, CROP Walk, and the Potato Drop…it wouldn’t be Wesley if we didn’t have that as our backbone.  But we’re going to spend this year with a focus on Human Trafficking.  I’ve been hearing about this for a couple years now and it is something that has captured my heart.  There is so much information out there and so many different organizations and books and people lifting up this issue it’s unbelievable if you start digging around and yet we’re not hearing about this from the media.  It’s not something commonly talked about.  That is frustrating.  So this year we’re going to learn about human trafficking and then we’re going to do something to help combat the problem any way we can.  This means inviting speakers in.  This means reading books and educating ourselves.  This means we’re going to New York City over Fall Break to the Church Center Building and are going to do a United Methodist Seminar with the amazing folks that coordinate the Seminar Program there.

A song and story that has captured our vision for this is from the band Bluetree and the song is “God of this City.”  If you watch no video I ever post on this thing, watch this one.  Seriously.  It is powerful and he can say it a lot better than I can write it.  It is powerful coming out of the mouths of these Irish folk asking each of us – what are we doing to combat these things (hunger, homelessness, child soldiers, human trafficking) in our world?  If this is a new day, what are we doing to show a hurting world the God that loves them and is very much alive?

Here is a video of the whole song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgQccYki-9Y&NR=1

Here are the words:

You’re God of this city, you’re the King of these people, you’re the Lord of this nation, you are…

You’re the Light in this darkness, you’re the Hope to the hopeless, you’re the Peace to the restless, you are…

For there is none like our God, there is none like You, God!

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!
Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here.

You’re the Lord of creation, The creator of all things you’re the King above all kings, you are…

You’re the Strength in the weakness, You are Love to the broken, You’re the Joy in the sadness, you are…

For there is none like our God, there is none like you, God!

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!
Where glory shines from hearts alive with praise for You and love for You in this city.

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!
Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here.

For there is none like our God, there is none like you, God!

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!
Where glory shines from hearts alive with praise for You and love for You in this city.

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!
Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here.

Posted in Faith, Family, Health, Methodism, Tumor

Figured it out.

Posted on by narciejeter

Fear is a powerful thing.  My greatest fear growing up was that something would happen to my family and that I would be all alone.  I still have that fear now.  If someone is not in the right place at the right time, it’s in the back of my head.  Maybe that makes me crazy or hypervigilant or just weird.  A very definite possiblity.

When I was doing CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at Scottish Rite Children’s Hospital in Atlanta I learned a great deal about loss and death and everything in between.  People always want some sort of reason…some sort of answer…something they can cling to and trust and know.  In the 17 on call nights that we had, there was only 1 that I didn’t have sort of call and this happened to be the Friday night that I was frantically working on my probationary member Board of Ordained ministry papers finishing up at the last second as normal in my world of procrastination.  I think everyone was praying for no calls that night and I was able to email the papers to Mike, he printed them out back at our home in Decatur and then mailed them in fed ex right before midnight.  Craziness.

Anyway, to say the least, CPE was a life-changing experience for me.  I maybe crazily got a lot out of it and learned a ton about myself.  Dealing with tragedy in the lives of children was tough as heck and has made me a somewhat paranoid parent in being overly cautious with hotdogs, the pool, second story windows, monkey bars and all sorts of random things.  On my second to last on call I performed my first baptism on a few weeks old dying baby.  I had never done a baptism before and didn’t even really know what to do, but it ended up being one of the most special experiences I have shared with anyone as this life returned back to God.  In the midst of this I got word that a 6 month old was in the ER from a car accident downstairs.  I stopped in on my way out and checked on the child who they said had substantial brain injuries.  There wasn’t any family there and so I eventually left to then be called back late that evening.

I found out on the way that the police had just located the child’s mother who had been working at Ryan’s making some extra money for Christmas.  The child had been with her 3 year old brother and husband who both had died at the scene of the accident.  I was waiting at the hospital when the family – mother, grandmother, grandfather, uncle arrived.  I’ll never forget that night.  Their child had been moved to the PICU and the doctors were pretty sure she was brain dead.

I don’t even have words to describe that night.  I do remember us going to the chapel of the hospital right before the final evaluation at 7 am the next morning and I remember that mother screaming at God in that chapel.  With all of the anger and grief and sheer despair that all of us felt and much, much more.  I had at that point seen a lot of children be declared braid dead and I had accepted it and grieved with the family and been whatever support I could be, but not until that day did I scream at God too.  As the mother of this child said “Come on, you’re God.  You can do anything.  I don’t care what they say.  You can work miracles.  You can make this happen.”  I felt myself thinking the same things right along with her.  You are the Great God of the Universe – You can make this happen.  You can do this.

There are so many stories that run through my mind of miraculous and amazing things that have happened that we rejoice and are unfathomably thankful for, but then there are also many where we feel sucker punched and reeling.  I know that life is supposed to be more normal now.  The tumor board recommended the same wait and see and we’ll check back in 3 months with the MRI and see how much what’s left has grown, etc.  I am super thankful that this is not worse.  Really.  But it took until today for me to figure out why I haven’t been able to totally bounce back.  Oh I’m bouncing.  Thanks to y’all’s prayers.  But there are times when I’m tired and sad and it’s hard to keep bouncing.  I figured it out today.  It’s that fear thing again.  But for me it’s the reverse.  When I witnessed that family’s heartbreak, I saw one of my fears realized (boy was that fodder for CPE discussions).  I hadn’t been able to entirely put my finger on what was getting to me until today.  Not that this wouldn’t happen without a total fight and all the strength and grit that I have, but it is terrifying to think of ever leaving Mike and my kids.  For my kids not to know who I am or how I love them.  For them not to feel that to the essence of their bones.

I know this is not a feel good blog post.  I haven’t posted in a lot of days and it’s not because they’ve been bad days, they’ve been good.  But part of the reason that I’m writing these – actually one of the main reasons – is to process this for me.  Read it, don’t read it – it’s not hurting my feelings.  For me I think naming my fear, naming the imaginable loss I would feel leaving Mike and my kids, even if there’s no way in the world that would happen and the prognosis is great and I should be happy – just naming it makes a difference to me.  Saying the words outloud and acknowledging the big and small shifts that this has made in my life is important in moving forward.  Gosh, it sometimes sucks to practice what you preach.

What clicked today is that even in the most dreadful things, I know that God is still present.  God is still with us.  God is still cradling us.  Whether this is in the crazy topsy turvy days or the floating in between times.  I’m not going to let fear rule my life.  And I certainly don’t want it to rule the next 3 months.  It’s hard to live that abundant life Jesus talks about when fear takes root in your heart.  So my hope is that we get them out there.  That we say them outloud.  That we can let not just the nice happy parts of our souls shine through but that we can be honest in our questions our concerns our frustrations.  I keep thinking of Star Wars and Twilight references here, but I’m going to abstain from my typical music/movie references even though I love them.  It’s amazing how acknowledging our fears and letting the light shine on them can change our perspective and help keep us moving forward.  Hope y’all didn’t mind me acknowledging mine.

Posted in Faith, Family

Framed Saying

Posted on by narciejeter

There’s a framed saying that sits on a shelf in my office.  Several years ago my mom got me and my Ganny (maternal grandmother) copies of this picture.  It says:

Think deeply.

Speak gently.

Love more.

Laugh outloud.

Word hard.

Give freely and

Be Kind.

Those are each challenging in various ways but often the whole “Be Kind” can be difficult for us.  It’s so hard in our world to give freely and be kind without feeling like you’re being taken advantage of.  And maybe sometimes you do get taken advantage of or get burned.  It happens.  Both bad moods and good moods are contagious.  Be kind.  I think there’s a challenge there especially for some of us that are tired, impatient and prideful.  Be kind.   Hmmmm……

Posted in Faith, Family, Health, Hope, Tumor

So it hit me…

Posted on by narciejeter

I don’t really know how to begin this blog.  It’s been a long weekend.  While I was at the doctor on Wednesday we realized I have a sinus infection and Mike and I have been battling those all weekend so I know that has something to do with it.  It’s been exhausting and for some reason on Friday everything just kind of hit me, that 4 weeks from that day I randomly had a seizure and they then the next morning found this brain tumor and two weeks from that day I had that brain tumor mostly removed and on Wednesday I found out it was a type 2, not a type 1 or a 3 or 4 and I will wait for 3 months and will get another MRI and will get to wait I’m sure several days after that to see what the deal is.

I’ve been asked about getting second opinions and so many of my much beloved Emory people have offered medical expertise and I am full of gratitude for that.  I think it was Friday though when it hit me that all this really has happened and this is not a bad dream and this is my new reality.  I kind of hate the phrase at this point “new normal.”  A large part of me wants to scream the heck with the “new normal.”  I don’t want to find it.  I don’t want to have to find it.  I don’t want any of this happening period.

I know that there are very many people that have this worse off than I do.  It could have been a type 3 or 4 malignant.  I’m not even going to name all of the worse things that could be happening right now, and I know that and feel the pain of that.  But I also have to acknowledge that for me this sucks.  For a known and self-identified control freak, not being able to drive anywhere when I get carsick all the time, not having any control over this line of tumor still in my brain, not being able to do anything about it (yes I know I can get a second opinion and I can choose my attitude and I can be thankful, but that’s not how I always feel), not having the energy to clean up the house much less care that it’s a mess….it really just stinks.

So I battled this funk all weekend.  I read three books over the weekend – two ended sadly and praise God the one I read yesterday ended well.  We watched Carolina make it into the College World Series which is tremendous.  I spent the weekend playing with the kids and we ate good food, relaxed and I’m as always thankful for the help of my mom and Mike in keeping things together right now.  On Sunday morning I had absolutely no desire to go to church.  No I didn’t pull the I’m going to go to Bedside UMC this morning or Boxsprings Baptist, but I didn’t really want to go.  But you know that’s what happens on Sundays…Mike goes to church and on the rare chance that I’m not preaching I get to listen to someone bring the Word.  So Mom and I got the kiddos dressed and ready for church and off we went.

All morning I had been on the verge of tears and when we went into Bethel the first hymn was “O How He Loves You and Me” from the Faith We Sing 2108.  That was it.  I ended up having to go downstairs because I was pretty much hyperventilating crying.  It’s a simple song…”O how he loves you and me!  O how he loves you and me!  He gave his life.  What more could he give?  O how he loves you; O how he loves me; O how he loves you and me.”  I wasn’t upset because I didn’t believe the words.  I was upset because I do believe the words.  I know God loves me but that doesn’t completely change how devastating some of this is.  We can feel and know God’s love and there is hope there, but sometimes all we feel is despair at all of the what if’s and could have been’s and it isn’t easy to keep on singing and praising when you’re just not there.

By the time I got it together Josh was on to the children’s sermon and then the choir played a song that Patti had learned at a UMW retreat.  It’s also out of the Faith We Sing 2218 called “You are Mine.”  Here are the words:

I will come to you in slence, I will lift you from all your fear.  You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice, be still and know that I am here.

I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see.  In the shadows of the night, I will be your light, come and rest in me.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.  I have called you each by name.  Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.

I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame.  All the blind will see, the lame will all run free, and all will know my name.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannt give.  I will call your name, embracing all your pain, stand up, now walk, and live!

Do not be afraid, I am with you.  I have called you each by name.  Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.

I kept crying but that at least got me to the sermon which was great and much needed as well.  All day I just kept struggling with this.  And I finally just let it out during Phineas and Ferb and told Mom and Mike the things that I’m frustrated with and afraid of and just sick of.  I don’t want to bottle this up and it keep giving me nightmares and I don’t want to take it out on my children or family, but it’s all so much sometimes that everything spills over.

Somehow though after saying it out loud to them and after eating some Fruitloops and watching the daytime Emmy’s I felt better.  Last night was one of the first nights I didn’t have a nightmare and for that I am thankful.  Is every day going to be easy?  No.  Does life sometimes really completely stink?  Yes.  Are there sometimes in our lives when tears of desperation are all that we can muster? Sure.  Is there One who still loves us and holds us and wants the best for us even in the midst?  Heck Yeah.  Is that hard to handle sometimes?  I think so.

I can’t help hearing that refrain from the hymn – “Do not be afraid, I am with you.  I have called you each by name.  Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.”  I guess sometimes there are things that we just have to cling to in the midst.

The kids were watching an Anne of Green Gables cartoon on PBS yesterday and I LOVE Anne of Green Gables.  It was a lot of fun watching it with them and I love that Kevin Sullivan produced both the Anne that I grew up with and this new animated series.  She always had a way with words saying things like not just feeling sad but being in the “depths of despair.”  Funny girl.  Maybe sometimes we are in the depths of despair.  And that’s real.  It’s not always faith, praise, and strength.  Who in the heck is like that all the time?  We are real people with real crud that happens and sometimes that’s not beautiful or picture perfect.  There are questions.  There are fears.  There is struggle.  I’m glad we don’t have to always have the answers and I’m glad that we don’t have to stay in the depths.  May God give each of us the strength and the tenacity and the courage and the hope to keep keeping on but may we also be thankful that we can come battered and bruised and confused and despondent and that’s okay too.

There’s a song I listened to a lot as a gangly too tall teenager facing typical mean girl stuff – nothing out of the ordinary, but you know how it goes.  The song is by Twila Paris and it’s called “The Warrior is a Child.”  May we each know that there’s a home to run to and that it’s okay to struggle with picking up the pieces.