Posted in Culture, Faith, Family, Health, Music, Tumor

The Buzz

I’m still at Josh’s house (a huge thanks to Josh and Karen for letting us become squatters in their lovely home) and Josh, Karen, Mike and Mom are watching the World Cup and I can hear that lovely buzz of horns that everyone seems intent to whine about.  What becomes a big deal to us these days?  LOL.

For those that are wondering what the latest buzz is here – there isn’t too terribly much.  As y’all know we saw the doctor on Saturday morning and he told us we would get the pathology results back on Tuesday or Wednesday.  Wednesday is almost over but onward we go without any word.  A dear clergywomen friend of mine called me earlier while I was at Wesley and she said I didn’t sound like myself and I was like OMG – you called me on a number I didn’t know so I thought you were the pathologist….It was practically the only phone call of the day.

So what have we been doing over the past couple days…well, I’ve read a lot of trashy magazines so let me tell you about the twihards and the latest with Robsten.  I have eaten a lot of good food – from church folk to students to clergy colleagues and campus ministers – y’all know a way to a person’s heart!  I have watched some very useless and mind-numbing tv – soap operas are so much more violent and even more insane than they used to be.  I’ve played Farmville – although it’s slower now and getting on my nerves a bit.  I’ve even started trying to do more twitter.  Some great students tonight showed me how to fix the background of my blog and so I guess I’m moving into the next decade or so…hopefully.

Overall there’s a lot of waiting.  I guess and wondering too, but that’s like a duh no brainer.  It’s hard being away from my kids but that’s a duh no brainer too.  I got to see Evy yesterday morning while Enoch was at pre-school and then I couldn’t take being away anymore and went and saw both of them last night.  Tomorrow morning Evy will be back again and I’m super excited about that!  We’re trying to keep things as normal as possible for them except that Mommy has been “at work” a lot this week.  Maybe it’s like the craziness of the beginning of the school year!

I feel like I’m making a lot of people wait right now and I do wish I had some answers.  But then a part of me is like, what am I waiting for anyway?  I want to get this brain healed and these stiches out and go back to playing with my kids and doing the things I love!  Not that Camp Josh and Karen’s hasn’t been great but what is the end date of this thing?

The problem with questions though is that it just leads to questions.  Well when is any end date?  I’m not talking about the finale of LOST but about when do we really ever know any answer?  Are we to wrestle with questions and answers to the end of time?  What do we hold to be true?  What/Who/in Whom do we trust?  Trust is such a big part of this.  Who do we trust with our info, with our identities, with our hearts?  Do we freely give these out or do we hold tight and protect?  Is it a little something of both and where do we draw the line?

The Upper Room today (I get the one online by email because it’s the easiest thing to do and I don’t know if it’s the same one in print form) has been a comfort to me lately.  The highlighted verses were from Romans 8:28-39.  I’ll post it below for you guys.  It’s verses that I’ve said many a times to students about God working all things for good for those who love God and the whole if God can be for us, who can be against us, and more than conquerors and so many good things.  What I like best (I hesitate when saying best with anything because that may change tomorrow) but what resonnates with me tonight as it did this morning is that NOTHING separates from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.  Nothing.

I may not understand why some people end up this way and others end up that way,  why some people seem to get a free pass at life and others a rocky road, or why the sky is blue, but I know that nothing in this world can separate us from the love of God.  A friend of mine emailed me a couple days ago about a close family friend that just passed away at 31 of Hodgkins lymphoma and she very wisely and bravely and honestly shared some of the questions that I think we each have when we’re faced with something like that.  She asked “Who does God select to call home?  Who does God select to heal and create miracles?”  Who?

She said they were child-like questions, but I think they are questions that on the darkest days in our hearts we know that these are the whens, and whys, and hows and what in the craps, that we want to know.  It seems cliche and not at all helpful to say I don’t know.  But I don’t.  We don’t.  I know that I believe in the power of prayer and that miracles happen all around us every day.  I’m a Momma T follower that believes little things done with great love can change our world.  And I know and can rest assured that NOTHING separates us from the love of God.  Nothing can separate us from that.  May we feel it.  Even when we’re in a ticked off mood having a not so good day or when we are at our lowest point – may we just taste the presence of God.  My mom has a student whose mother is most likely going to lose her second battle with cancer in the coming days.  And for her I know we ache.  We each know these stories and each of us has felt this pain and loss at one time or another.

May we release that.  May we say outloud our doubts and our fears and our questions and our let’s just be honest profanities sometimes and say COME ON!!!!  God is a big God and can take it.  Rest assured.  And this doesn’t even have to be a one time occasion.  But let’s also pull in all the good and grasp hold of that with two white knuckled fists and say heck yeah to all of the ways God amazes the socks off us and shows us things we didn’t think possible.  Try it.  Just try it.  Even at our lowest moments – there’s still this shining light we just can’t shake….like the buzz of a world cup horn in our ears….

“We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:28-39 (don’t get me into all the exegesis of this one, but just see what it speaks to you!=0))

Haven’t posted any music to y’all lately.  Here’s another one that I love from church – Britt Nicole’s “The Lost Get Found.”  Maybe I like poppy music but this one is just fun!

7 thoughts on “The Buzz

  1. Narcie, this post made me cry! I’m sitting in a cafe in Edinburgh, just blubbering all over myself! You are in my prayers constantly, and I am praying for the best possible news. Blessings to you, my dear. And if no blessings, then strength. Which it sounds like you have in spades already.

  2. I love that passage from Romans. I also get the Upper Room sent to my email. (I wonder where I got that from? haha) But they were just the words to encourage me yesterday. He does work for the good. And oh, Momma T. How I love her, too! I miss you. I’m lifting you up in prayer constantly! 🙂

  3. You are an amazing writer! I love reading your thoughts. Just take one day at a time. I know how hard the waiting can be. Hnag in there!!!

  4. You are an amazing writer! I love reading your thoughts. Just take one day at a time. I know how hard the waiting can be. Hang in there!!!

  5. I can’t blog about my issues as of late because of one particular reader. And yes, I am letting her control my blog at the moment. But I have to tell you that I entered your blog page today feeling a little sorry for myself and my current situation, knowing that was selfish, considering your current situation. I read and read and read the passage you cited today, trying to revel in the fact that no matter how downright mean someone else can be, God loves us. God is in the midst of the mess. God hears the heartache. God knows. And God loves.

    But I don’t “feel” it today. Today I feel thrown to the wolves. I feel abandoned. And the words “nothing can separate us from the love of Christ Jesus” just won’t resonate. And it was then that it resonated. Because even my own pathetic apathy cannot separate me from the love of God.

    Thank you, sweet Narcie, for always being you. For sharing your soul so easily. For continuing to shape my life.

  6. Someday when both our brains can handle it (yours is probably more ready than mine!), we should have a big, long talk about miracles. Lots of thoughts there. Thanks for sharing!

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