Light – Page 2 – Blessings on the Journey

Do you ever compare yourselves to others?

I think we all do it at one point or another. In some ways it gets better as you get older….or does it? It seems like it’s mostly outward comparisons – looks, nice car, awesome clothes, a perfect plus one. But then again it can also be inward comparisons. That person is so much (funnier, smarter, more personable, more extroverted, more centered, more…) than I am. Why do we see others as more and that naturally leading to us thinking that we are somehow less?

God gifts each of us in mighty ways and just because our “gift” isn’t the same as the next person’s, that doesn’t mean that it’s any less.

One of the texts for Sunday is Romans 13:8-14 and it speaks hugely to these desires of the flesh – this coveting – this jealousy.

There’s all sorts of thoughts that run through our heads on a daily basis. For me today some have been pretty small like it’s a bad hair day and maybe I should actually get a hair cut, that’s not my feet smelling up Wesley are they, or I wish I wasn’t so old and didn’t have aches and pains. Others strike to the heart…if only I could spend hours of leisure with my children so I can see how their first day of school went, one of my constants – I wish we had a yard even though I love our lovely town house so that our kids could play in the back, or that question that I hate coming up this time of year…the one about whether what I’m doing is good enough.

I don’t think it’s just pastors that feel this way. I’m sure it’s many in the work place or any who begin the lovely comparison dance. I love seeing other campus ministers post on facebook this time of year and it’s great being able to cheer them on and glean great ideas from them. I like the fellowship building of that and the collegiality. And although I truly am excited when things are going well and there are more folks coming to Christ and finding that essential community, if I were completely honest with myself, this also often brings a list of questions and worries to mind as well. Am I working hard enough? Do we have enough students? Are we going to have enough supporters or money coming in? Is the job enough to count as ministry? Why can’t we just rejoice with those and not have it automatically mean that something about us is less or not enough?

That’s the thing about ministry sometimes. We think that it’s all about us. Are we cool enough? Hipster enough (don’t get me started Mac people)? Funny enough? Spiritual enough? Know our Bible backwards and forwards enough? Do we have enough activities? Do we have a big enough crowd? Are we marketing ourselves well? It can drive you crazy.

Reality though is that God has gifted each of us and we’re not going to be all things to all people. Wesley is going to always be a place that emphasizes community and justice and following Christ – not just nice and clean but down and dirty. It is what it is. Narcie is not ever going to have unlimited energy, a nice and witty thing always to say, perfect patience with everyone even in the most random of requests or the poof of suddenly being turned into a hot male with skinny jeans, muscle shirts, the strategic tattoo and gelled hair. It ain’t happening.

I’m me. No less than anyone else. But all the more because of the One who has called us each by name. I don’t have to feel unworthy or ashamed or less than. I just have to trust the One who made me and created me as me. I am enough. You are enough. We are plenty. Isn’t a theology of abundance that much more life-giving than a theology of scarcity? It’s not that someone got our gift and since they took it, we can’t have it. It’s not that someone is doing so super well that there’s not enough for us.

We are enough. As Romans 13 verse 12 says, “Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light…” May we lay down the words of darkness that creep into our heads and our hearts and may we put on the armor of light that protects us and surrounds us and sees us through to the other side.

Andrew Ripp – You Will Find Me (speaks so well to these feelings – great song!)

I’ve really enjoyed the lectionary texts from the past couple weeks that have focused on light. I’ve always liked Epiphany but even more so this year for some reason. I appreciate that Epiphany is not just one Sunday that we celebrate those lovely wise folks coming to see the new born King, but that it’s an entire season stretching until the day before Ash Wednesday where we’re all opening our eyes to God around us. To me that’s pretty significant in our church calendar that this time between the birth of Jesus – the incarnation – and Lent is a time where we a people of the light get a chance to center and focus on that light, opening ourselves to it.

I admit that I’m now watching ABC’s “Off the Map.” If that makes me a drama and Grey’s Anatomy lovin’ television watcher than so be it. I like the concept that these three doctors have come to this jungle to get away from whatever they have left back home and yet they seem to face these same fears and concerns no matter how far they have run. In the first episode the three newbies gather and realize that the doctors that hired them had done their homework on each of their back stories. The guy of the group says, “So much for a blank slate!”

I think sometimes we feel like that. “So much for a blank slate!” We wish that everything would just go away and be wiped clean. The thing is though that community and church is not just about slates being wiped clean although it does say Jesus scatters our sins from the east to the west. But there’s something about people loving each other in spite of the flaws and the crud. There’s something about folks sharing in that refuge and safe place and being that harbor for each other whether it’s in the good, the bad, or the ugly.

Sometimes that being there for one another is letting go of a past wound or hurt. Sometimes it’s acknowledging and saying outloud a secret that has kept us bound and stuck, whether it be our own, a family secret, or a burden we just kept on carrying. Sometimes it’s admitting that we may not have it all figured out and we really struggle in some areas. Sometimes it’s confessing something and seeking reconciliation. Sometimes it’s just being open to where the Spirit of God leads.

It amazes me that at the times we are the most down or low or hopeless/helpless/spent – these are the times that often the light starts to break into those cloudy days. There’s just something about that light that no matter how dark it may get – it breaks in. We watched the movie TRON last night. I know, I know – not the most high brow or Oscar worthy – but it was really surprisingly good and we didn’t want anything that would make us think to much at the end of a long Sunday. I never saw the original but I really liked this one. Part of the beauty of the story is that one of the characters had never really seen the sun. She had no idea what that would look like. She had read about it in books, true, but if you think about it – if you had no concept of what the sun is – how do you describe it? The warmth, the light, that it’s practically everywhere, that it moves and shifts and changes.

There’s something unexplainable about the light but there’s something incredibly powerful. In these days after the shooting in Tuscon, as we think about what it means to be community and shelter for one another as the Jars of Clay song talks about that I’ve mentioned before, I think about all of us holding candles together as one. All of us lifting those candles as one. That’s a powerful sight. That it’s our collective voice, our collective being – lighting up as one. Not “Lord in your mercy, hear my prayers” but “Lord in your mercy, hear our prayers.” That we as community as a fellowship of believers lift each other up, we rejoice with each other, we mourn with each other, we keep telling each other to press on.

In that same episode from “Off the Map” (I know, I know) the main doctor says at the end to one of the new girls who’s figuring out why’s she there to look at the Southern Cross. They’re a set of stars that look like a cross in the sky (yes, I wikipedia-ed it so it’s sort of legit). He talks about how Magellan used the Southern Cross. He knew that even if he was lost, he knew that if he found that in the sky, he would make his way back home. All he had to do was keep on going. So he tells her, “Keep on going.”

Now I know that there are times when we don’t want to “Keep on going.” There are times when we think we can’t keep on going, much less want to. But there are people and songs and scriptures and even those sometimes annoying bumper stickers that are lights that pop out along our way that help light our path to keep on going. There is a shelter of people that help us to keep on going. And that’s not just with a slate wiped clean, because you can’t escape and dodge forever, but that’s with all of who we are and are yet to be.

So are we those lights for others? Are we ready to welcome people? Are we ready to open our arms and our hearts and our eyes? Are we as the Church/church ready to offer a refuge, a harbor, a light to those in a world raging? Or do we just look like a big blob of dark with all of our “stuff” that sometimes gets in the way?

One of my favorite songs off of the new Jars of Clay “Shelter” CD (i know i can’t stop listening to it) is one called “Small Rebellions.” Sadly there are no youtube videos that I can find out there yet. But the words are below.

“God of the break and shatter – Hearts in every form still matter – In our weakness help us see – That alone we’ll never be – Lifting any burdens off our shoulders – If our days could be filled with small rebellions – senseless brutal acts of kindness from us all – if we stand in between the fear and firm doundation – push against the current and the fall – God of the worn and tattered – All of your people matter – Give us more than words to speak – ‘Cause we are hearts and arms that reach – And Love climbs up and down the human ladder – Give us days to be filled with small rebellions – Senseless brutal acts of kindness from us all – If we stand between the fear and firm foundation – Push against the current and the fall – We will never walk alone again – No, we will never walk alone.”

I’m glad that we don’t walk alone. That there are lights along our way guiding us home and that we can be lights to the world. Open our eyes Lord that we may see the ways that we can grasp hold of your light today that the world may see and know…

Psalm 27:1, 4-9, Isaiah 9:1-4