Tag: music

Posted in Campus Ministry, Faith, Health, Life, Sermons

Choose (Abundant) Life

Posted on by narciejeter

It’s that time in the semester when the students are getting really stressed out.  Have you ever wondered why they phrase is stressed “out” and not stressed “in”?  Yes if the stress starts leaking everywhere, it’s eventually going to come out, but there’s so much inward affect that stress has on us.  Facing challenging, difficult, and overwhelming situations from every direction can take a huge toll on a person and as the “prayer” section of Winthrop Wesley’s prayers and praises notebook seems to heartily begin to outweigh the praises you know people are starting to feel down and discouraged.

Around this midterm time it can feel like when it rains it pours.  It seems that when things begin to get hard, the difficulty sometimes can grow exponentially.   A couple weeks ago, we looked at Deuteronomy 30:15-20 and I feel like some of the themes in that text are cropping up all over the place.  God clearly lays out two courses – two ways in which life can go and God asks for us to “Choose life.” 

Choose life even when things seem out of control or insurmountable.  Choose life even when there’s no way things could in a million years work out.  Choose life even when by all logic in this world there aren’t easy or clear answers.  A pastor colleague of mine who frequently amuses and challenges me with his facebook statuses, posted this earlier today, “I watched some news this evening.  I watched FOX, MSNBC and CNN. The message I got? We’re doomed. There is no hope. Pack up your kids and head to the hills. Empty your bank account and hide your money under the mattress. Stock up your shelves. Be afraid, very afraid. And Justin Beiber made the cover of Rolling Stone. Yep, the world is coming to an end!”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or crawl under the bed myself.  I admit that I have caught a little “Bieber fever” in that I enjoyed his Glee episode and some of the songs are quite annoyingly catchy, but I’m not watching the movie.  That’s neither here nor there.  His status was another reminder of very much what the world gives us.  We’re doomed.  There is no hope.  It’s like one of the Charlotte local news networks that Mike and I refuse to watch because the guy always seems so happy when something really awful has happened and he gets to report on it.  I know you’ve got to sell the news but do you have to be so gleeful about an awful car accident or shooting or fire?  

There’s a lot in our world that says yep, we’re doomed.  It actually would be a lot easier to say that in a lot of ways.  You don’t really have to work to bring about change and transformation when the world tells you it’s a waste of time.  What’s the point? 

But is that the way of faith?  Is that the way of the cross?  Or more significantly – the way of an Easter – resurrection people?  Is that the follow up of the verse – “Choose life so that you and our descendants may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and holding fast to him; for that means life to you and length of days, so that you may live in the land that the Lords swore to give your ancestors to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.”  It’s not just choose life.  It’s not just choose to believe in the bright side, the cup half full, the silver lining.  It’s not just reject the negativity that we all know is contagious, the complaining and criticism that does harm and not a bit of good, the spiraling of fear and angst that has no end.  It’s choose life that you may live – loving God, obeying God, and holding fast to God even when all may seem lost or today feels about as cruddy as it can get.  It very clearly reminds us that Jesus said he came to bring us abundant li

What does the word abundance conjure up for you?  Abundance is enough for everyone.  It’s more than enough.  It’s awesome.  It’s bountiful.  A bountiful life.

Is it hard to believe this sometimes?  Yes.  Heck yes.  We got word on Friday that Mike’s 2 year old cousin, Lachlan, who was born with some heart defects and has already experienced heart surgeries, now has a brain tumor.  The neurosurgeon would like to operate and the family is meeting with the cardiologist this Friday for approval of the surgery.  I can’t imagine what Leslie and Cullen are going through in these days as they await these appointments.  There aren’t any words or platitudes or anything that can sermonize that or make it go away and be all right. 

There’s that choosing though even in the midst.  And sometimes we can’t make the choice on our own.  Sometimes it takes a community of faith, a family of strength, a body of believers united in hope to help us continue to choose life.  There are good days and there are bad.  Sometimes it means that we need to cut out some of the negative – whether a toxic situation, person, or past hurt or wound that we haven’t given to God.  Sometimes it’s not letting our fears or our worries rob us of the joy of today.  We have to make the conscious choice to step away, turn off the news sometime or change the channel of our hearts and life. There are days when I know and feel and rest in the promises of God for the life that each of us is given and there are days when I get on Wikipedia and start the worry spin cycle of why’s and what if’s and let me tell you – that path leads nowhere good, productive, or very positive.  That’s where that holding fast to God comes in.  Holding fast to that peace that transcends all understanding, holding fast to the hope and strength that only God can give, and holding fast to someone that can give us more comfort and love than anyone else.  We will hold fast to the promises of God. 

I’m not saying that we all walk around as Pollyanna’s because life is real and it hurts and it really is scary sometimes.  The key is going back to the Source of life – to the Creator that knows our hurts and the things that keep us up at night and even the things that we don’t want to say outloud.  May we in the coming days and weeks and times of uncertainty or chaos or stressed out to the max, find ways to ground ourselves in the power of the One who ignites, breathes and drenches us in new life and hope each and every day.

How will you choose life today?

Yes this is beyond cheesy in some ways and pretty old, but definitely goes with the text – Big Tent Revival’s “Choose Life”:

Posted in Campus Ministry, Faith, Music, Sermons

The Shelter

Posted on by narciejeter

I bought some CD’s for Mike for Christmas that I thought would be good for worship.  Some were definitely better than others and I was hugely and pleasantly surprised that Jars of Clay’s new album – “The Shelter” is chock full of great music.  There hasn’t been a CD in a long time that I’ve listened to with such interest and have felt so moved by.  One of the quotes on the album says, “It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”

It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.  Wow.  I like those words.

It’s less than a week before students are back.  That is a scary, scary thing with so much to be planned and prepared and geared up for.  In thinking about this semester though, part of me just wants to claim those words.  It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.  What does it mean to be church?  What does it mean to be in community with one another?

I think about students and the many walks of life they come from and all of the journeying they do during these young adult years and as much as it sounds all feel good and Oprah-y to talk in glowing terms about community all the time, I know it is hard.  It’s hard to be in relationship with people that don’t look like you or think like you or vote like you or think the wrong things are funny or don’t want to laugh at your same jokes.  But who wants a boring homogenous group?  Well, deep down, a lot of people probably do.  It’s a lot easier that way.

But how is that the kingdom of God?  I hope I’m not surrounded by just a group of snarky white girls in heaven.  Lord have mercy on all of us.  When I think about campus ministry and the coming semester, I want to see us grow not just in size or number although that would be great.  I’d like to see us grow in our love for one another.  And not just for one another but for the people that don’t look, act, or sometimes even smell like us.

My prayer is that we get past the quick, hollow greetings and dig into the relationships.  That in the midst of the busyness of college life that we can provide a shelter for one another.  That’s one of those things I can’t do all by myself.  That’s the cool thing about the Christian walk.  You can’t do it all by yourself.  At some point you have to enter into the chaos and the messyness that is relationship.

It is the shelter of each other that the people live.

Here Dan Haseltine introduces The Shelter…

Here’s them playing the song in the recording studio…

Here’s a version with the words…

I know that I need the shelter of each of you and I thank God for this community that walks with me each step of the way.  May we each find and cling to our shelter.

Posted in affliction, Campus Ministry, Faith, Health, Music, perseverance, Tumor, U2

So in reading about afflictions…

Posted on by narciejeter

Affliction is such a yuck word.  Don’t you think?  Affliction.  Doesn’t sound good at all?  I just googled it and did you know there’s an Affliction clothing line?  Why in the world would you want “Affliction” clothing?

The Upper Room this morning was on 2 Corinthians 1:3-7.  It begins with, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.”

I wrote about the race earlier and about perseverance and some of our afflictions sure do take some perseverance.  This is the first week of school at Winthrop and could arguably be one of our busiest weeks of the year.  We’ve been doing our thing here at Wesley and things are going pretty well – it’s great meeting new people and love, love, love connecting and catching up with our returning Wesley folks!

But this is tiring….and draining….and so many more depleting adjectives.  It doesn’t seem like it’s just student life, but everywhere it seems that folks are tired right about now as we all get into the swing of a school year.

I admit that at times I am frustrated – I can’t remember things I used to.  I am really tired and the typical adrenaline boost is not kicking in.  I just can’t gear up for this right now – the energy reserves are not there.  I also finally got the letter scheduling the next MRI and surgeon’s appointment – September 14th MRI and September 15th the brain surgeon.

I’d like to think that I can do this normal welcome back wohoo wesley thing no problem and the same as always, but if I’m honest with myself – it’s not the same.  I can’t run around like a crazy person and not feel those affects.  Humbling.  Frustrating.  Frightening.  Freeing?

We get so caught up in a numbers game – so caught up in how much can we produce?  Who is coming to Wesley?  How many?  Who showed up for church on Sunday? How much money is our company making?  What did we do today?  There’s such a focus on numbers and what we do that we forget to just be and that we don’t have to do it all.  I write that, but do I mean that?  Josh and I were talking about numbers and church/Wesley/what is the crazy thing called ministry stuff this week and I know that when pastors say we shouldn’t focus on the numbers, that can sometimes mean they’re just using that as a justification for the size of the body of folks that they work with.  But sometimes I really do question numbers…is that all that there is to say that you’re doing something?  Do we get so caught up in proving that something is happening at our churches or in our classes or in our workplaces or in our lives that we miss the blessings and consolations that God gives us along the way?  Or do we miss being those blessings and consolations to others because we’re more concerned about the to-do lists and keeping up with “that” family or company or church or whatever?

I wonder what would happen if we didn’t just feel frustrated by some of these things that seem to limit us or tie us down but we could flip that and feel the freedom from the endless search for perfection and the chance to claim even our inabilities, sufferings, and crud for the grace and strength of God?  I can believe that at the beginning of the day reading the Upper Room.  It’s harder to believe at the end of a day wondering where it all went and how the list never gets shorter.

Maybe we just need to give ourselves a break…

U2’s “Walk On” is on my itunes dj right now.  Maybe that’s what we do from all the things that can weigh us down – we walk on.  Some of our afflictions may go with us, but we can trust that God is with us and we walk on.

“Leave it behind
You’ve got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme…”

Posted in Faith, Family, Health, Hope, Tumor

So it hit me…

Posted on by narciejeter

I don’t really know how to begin this blog.  It’s been a long weekend.  While I was at the doctor on Wednesday we realized I have a sinus infection and Mike and I have been battling those all weekend so I know that has something to do with it.  It’s been exhausting and for some reason on Friday everything just kind of hit me, that 4 weeks from that day I randomly had a seizure and they then the next morning found this brain tumor and two weeks from that day I had that brain tumor mostly removed and on Wednesday I found out it was a type 2, not a type 1 or a 3 or 4 and I will wait for 3 months and will get another MRI and will get to wait I’m sure several days after that to see what the deal is.

I’ve been asked about getting second opinions and so many of my much beloved Emory people have offered medical expertise and I am full of gratitude for that.  I think it was Friday though when it hit me that all this really has happened and this is not a bad dream and this is my new reality.  I kind of hate the phrase at this point “new normal.”  A large part of me wants to scream the heck with the “new normal.”  I don’t want to find it.  I don’t want to have to find it.  I don’t want any of this happening period.

I know that there are very many people that have this worse off than I do.  It could have been a type 3 or 4 malignant.  I’m not even going to name all of the worse things that could be happening right now, and I know that and feel the pain of that.  But I also have to acknowledge that for me this sucks.  For a known and self-identified control freak, not being able to drive anywhere when I get carsick all the time, not having any control over this line of tumor still in my brain, not being able to do anything about it (yes I know I can get a second opinion and I can choose my attitude and I can be thankful, but that’s not how I always feel), not having the energy to clean up the house much less care that it’s a mess….it really just stinks.

So I battled this funk all weekend.  I read three books over the weekend – two ended sadly and praise God the one I read yesterday ended well.  We watched Carolina make it into the College World Series which is tremendous.  I spent the weekend playing with the kids and we ate good food, relaxed and I’m as always thankful for the help of my mom and Mike in keeping things together right now.  On Sunday morning I had absolutely no desire to go to church.  No I didn’t pull the I’m going to go to Bedside UMC this morning or Boxsprings Baptist, but I didn’t really want to go.  But you know that’s what happens on Sundays…Mike goes to church and on the rare chance that I’m not preaching I get to listen to someone bring the Word.  So Mom and I got the kiddos dressed and ready for church and off we went.

All morning I had been on the verge of tears and when we went into Bethel the first hymn was “O How He Loves You and Me” from the Faith We Sing 2108.  That was it.  I ended up having to go downstairs because I was pretty much hyperventilating crying.  It’s a simple song…”O how he loves you and me!  O how he loves you and me!  He gave his life.  What more could he give?  O how he loves you; O how he loves me; O how he loves you and me.”  I wasn’t upset because I didn’t believe the words.  I was upset because I do believe the words.  I know God loves me but that doesn’t completely change how devastating some of this is.  We can feel and know God’s love and there is hope there, but sometimes all we feel is despair at all of the what if’s and could have been’s and it isn’t easy to keep on singing and praising when you’re just not there.

By the time I got it together Josh was on to the children’s sermon and then the choir played a song that Patti had learned at a UMW retreat.  It’s also out of the Faith We Sing 2218 called “You are Mine.”  Here are the words:

I will come to you in slence, I will lift you from all your fear.  You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice, be still and know that I am here.

I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see.  In the shadows of the night, I will be your light, come and rest in me.

Do not be afraid, I am with you.  I have called you each by name.  Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.

I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame.  All the blind will see, the lame will all run free, and all will know my name.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannt give.  I will call your name, embracing all your pain, stand up, now walk, and live!

Do not be afraid, I am with you.  I have called you each by name.  Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.

I kept crying but that at least got me to the sermon which was great and much needed as well.  All day I just kept struggling with this.  And I finally just let it out during Phineas and Ferb and told Mom and Mike the things that I’m frustrated with and afraid of and just sick of.  I don’t want to bottle this up and it keep giving me nightmares and I don’t want to take it out on my children or family, but it’s all so much sometimes that everything spills over.

Somehow though after saying it out loud to them and after eating some Fruitloops and watching the daytime Emmy’s I felt better.  Last night was one of the first nights I didn’t have a nightmare and for that I am thankful.  Is every day going to be easy?  No.  Does life sometimes really completely stink?  Yes.  Are there sometimes in our lives when tears of desperation are all that we can muster? Sure.  Is there One who still loves us and holds us and wants the best for us even in the midst?  Heck Yeah.  Is that hard to handle sometimes?  I think so.

I can’t help hearing that refrain from the hymn – “Do not be afraid, I am with you.  I have called you each by name.  Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.”  I guess sometimes there are things that we just have to cling to in the midst.

The kids were watching an Anne of Green Gables cartoon on PBS yesterday and I LOVE Anne of Green Gables.  It was a lot of fun watching it with them and I love that Kevin Sullivan produced both the Anne that I grew up with and this new animated series.  She always had a way with words saying things like not just feeling sad but being in the “depths of despair.”  Funny girl.  Maybe sometimes we are in the depths of despair.  And that’s real.  It’s not always faith, praise, and strength.  Who in the heck is like that all the time?  We are real people with real crud that happens and sometimes that’s not beautiful or picture perfect.  There are questions.  There are fears.  There is struggle.  I’m glad we don’t have to always have the answers and I’m glad that we don’t have to stay in the depths.  May God give each of us the strength and the tenacity and the courage and the hope to keep keeping on but may we also be thankful that we can come battered and bruised and confused and despondent and that’s okay too.

There’s a song I listened to a lot as a gangly too tall teenager facing typical mean girl stuff – nothing out of the ordinary, but you know how it goes.  The song is by Twila Paris and it’s called “The Warrior is a Child.”  May we each know that there’s a home to run to and that it’s okay to struggle with picking up the pieces.

Posted in Family, Health, Music, Tumor

Not going for that annual quite yet…

Posted on by narciejeter

Hi y’all!  So as always there are highs and lows in a day.  (Can’t decide whether watching The Bachelorette right now is a high or a low…much better on fast forward to the decent parts.)  Mike and I dropped off the CD of the previous MRI/CT Scan at the neurosurgeon’s, I got a quick lesson on all this brain stuff from a wonderful Emory friend, and our GPS got us to Carolinas Medical Center.  I’ve never been to the real one – just having babies at the one in Pinevile.

We parked way far away because we had no clue where to go but we finally figured it out and it made for a beautiful day to walk.  Filled out some more forms and then got to talk to the anesthesologist and a nurse.  I’ll get to the hospital at 11:15 am and they’ll take all of us up to the 5th floor and get them settled in the waiting room, will bring me in, I’ll get to see everyone one last time, and then we’ll begin.  They’ve blocked out the room for up to three hours.  I should be in the neurointensive care for at least one night and then in the hospital 3-5 days.  Okay.  There we go.  So then giving a couple more tubes of blood, we were back in the sunshine.

Time to hit up Rock Bottom Brewery.  Completely randomly they sat us in the same booth that we were in over 9 years ago when we talked to Mike’s parents about us getting engaged and began wedding planning with them.  Oh, ironic.  In the midst of this I get a phone call and it’s not a number I recognize and let me tell you – we are screening some calls these days.  So Mike answers “Narcie’s phone, Mike speaking” and I think okay he’ll probably be on there for a while but quickly he hands it over to me and whispers “OB-Gyn.”  I’m thinking what in the heck do they want at this point?  And the very nice lady says, Mrs. Jeter you haven’t scheduled your annual appointment yet.  I know I probably should have just penciled it in to the looming calendar that I had in my pocketbook but I couldn’t help myself and said – welp, I was told a week ago I have a brain tumor and they’re operating on it on Friday and I don’t think I’ll be getting to that appointment any time soon.  LOL.  We both had a good laugh.  She said to call back any time.  It’s important – keep in good health people – but not in the scheme of things right now.

I didn’t realize until today being in there that my life is going to change for awhile.  I mean I’ve had that realization in pieces over the past week and a half but Mike and I also decided at a certain point that I needed to live my life as normally as possible.  In the midst of that though I’m now thinking oh wow what do I need to do before Friday?  We went and bought some books and some toys for Enoch and Evy for the days to come.  I got to play with the kiddos in the bath tonight and put both of them to bed.  Mike asked the nurse today if when I come back home, I can really come back home.  In other words – in our world here there is no rest, Mommy napping, etc.  There is Silly 1 and Silly 2 – my two wild and crazy E’s.  She said we’ll have to ask the doctor.  Should be interesting.

Tomorrow Enoch will go back to school, Evy will have our 16 month check up, and I’ll do some work at Wesley for one of the last times before Friday.  Then we’ll head to MRI land and will see what Presbyterian Hospital looks like.  This has been a sort of weird medical scavenger hunt.

Earlier I posted one of my favorite Laura Story songs.  I actually like most of her new CD – great stuff!  One of my all time favorites of hers though was when she was with Silers Bald and it’s called “Grace.”

  Glad that we can start each morning with mercies anew and grace afresh!  Check it out…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FribXzqHVE

Posted in Culture, Faith, Family, Music, Television

Blest Be The Tie That Binds

Posted on by narciejeter

So I love this old hymn.  We sang it at the end of every worship service when we were at Wesley Chapel in Lydia and it was played at my Gandaddy’s funeral with Ganny’s alto voice ringing out as always.   It’s not the greatest sounding recording, but it’s about like I remember in UMC’s with a bunch of different voices and a lot of joy in the harmony and singing out as loud as you can even if you’re not the best singer in the history of the world.  The second video – different tune but also familiar and I think the images are cool with the words. Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=9OfSm2LfX48&feature=related.

What is the tie that binds us?

Love that great cloud of witnesses always before us (can’t help but mention the LOST finale) and that great community of Christ followers that is ever behind us, beside us, and before us.  Love, love, love that in this crazy blog system that people’s posts look like patches in a quilt.  God is sewing community together all around us and that is beautiful.

Posted in Faith, Family, Health, Music, Television, Tumor

So if life were a musical

Posted on by narciejeter

Scratch that.  Maybe I should use sports imagery.  Maybe this is like halftime.  Or back to the musical this could either be the orchestra warming up at the beginning of a full and fabulous Broadway show or this could be the intermission music.  Either way all’s quiet on the home front.  The kids went to bed reasonably early tonight.  Mike is asleep already – praise God!  And GiGi (Mike’s mom) has arrived safe and sound.

Tomorrow we pick up Enoch’s 3rd birthday cake, some last minute birthday gifts, and we’ll stop by the neurologist.  The MRI has been moved from Saturday to Tuesday and the anesthesiologist appointment is now on Monday.  So after tomorrow’s neuro there’s nothing on the appointment horizon until Monday which freaks me out a little bit but also makes me want to randomly go somewhere that’s not sitting on my couch waiting for Monday.  So is the orchestra gearing up or will it spend all weekend gearing up or better yet in this not completely working analogy – are we going to play a completely different show this weekend – ie. the birthday extravaganza, everyone enjoy life and try not to freak out dance?

In reading people’s posts on the blog and facebook and comments and everything I’ve felt a wide range of emotions.  I’ve cried and laughed out loud.  Part of me wants to start doing the whole Wicked

“Because I Knew You” as I think about so many different people from so many different places and all of the many ways I love each of you and you have touched my life in real and not so cheesy ways.  Another part of me is still just happy to be alive in general and I’ve not been able to get David Crowder’s “O Praise Him” and the video that someone posted months ago out of my head. 
  I’m not a total David Crowder fan – I admit that – but I do lift this song/video.

Also – please don’t read this blog or any blog for that matter and think that anyone has anything all figured out.  That’s crap.  No one of us has the in track to faith, theodicy, or the mysteries of life – much less who the smoke monster really was – but we do serve a God who blesses far beyond our wildest dreams and you guys are that blessing for me.  So if life were a musical what would be your song?  Glee people – what would be your soundtrack?  What is that go to music for you that makes your soul come alive?  The dear friends that light up your life?

We’re cranking up the music this weekend and there won’t be any electric slide at this three year old’s birthday party!