So that’s what the doctor said today. No negative change is positive news. Mike and I went to see Dr. Smith today and he showed us the scans. I like to have visuals so I’m glad he showed them to us. There’s still a bright part that could be scar tissue, swelling or still some of the tumor – but as Mike said – there’s no new players in the band. Ie. there are no new negative things. So that is good!
Mike started asking a lot of questions in typical deep voice, serious form and Dr. Smith responded, “Right…you’re the questions guy.” That was funny. He asked why the image still looked like that with like a hole there and he said that I would never have another normal looking brain MRI again. The brain doesn’t grow back and the tumor was in part of the brain matter so therefore some of it is gone. Very little though. Ridiculously I was taking it very personally that Mike was talking about my brain and part of it not being there even though I know I’m still me and I’m okay. Anyway, the funniest thing of the afternoon – Mike says well we only use a small percentage of our brains anyway, and Dr. Smith says something along the lines of well she didn’t really need that part anyway. Yay!
Mike is excited by all of this news! No negative change is a positive report. We’ll keep doing MRI’s every 3 months for awhile and we’ll see what happens. Dad on the phone earlier asked what could have made the news perfect? Well that my brain is normal of course. That it’s not always going to look like that on an MRI. That there’s no bright smudgy line that’s still there.
But hey – I’ll take “No negative is positive” any day of the week. This paired with some folks dropping off some paper towels as donations to Wesley – have made the day sunny again – and even in my un-air conditioned building – that is good.
Affliction is such a yuck word. Don’t you think? Affliction. Doesn’t sound good at all? I just googled it and did you know there’s an Affliction clothing line? Why in the world would you want “Affliction” clothing?
The Upper Room this morning was on 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. It begins with, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.”
I wrote about the race earlier and about perseverance and some of our afflictions sure do take some perseverance. This is the first week of school at Winthrop and could arguably be one of our busiest weeks of the year. We’ve been doing our thing here at Wesley and things are going pretty well – it’s great meeting new people and love, love, love connecting and catching up with our returning Wesley folks!
But this is tiring….and draining….and so many more depleting adjectives. It doesn’t seem like it’s just student life, but everywhere it seems that folks are tired right about now as we all get into the swing of a school year.
I admit that at times I am frustrated – I can’t remember things I used to. I am really tired and the typical adrenaline boost is not kicking in. I just can’t gear up for this right now – the energy reserves are not there. I also finally got the letter scheduling the next MRI and surgeon’s appointment – September 14th MRI and September 15th the brain surgeon.
I’d like to think that I can do this normal welcome back wohoo wesley thing no problem and the same as always, but if I’m honest with myself – it’s not the same. I can’t run around like a crazy person and not feel those affects. Humbling. Frustrating. Frightening. Freeing?
We get so caught up in a numbers game – so caught up in how much can we produce? Who is coming to Wesley? How many? Who showed up for church on Sunday? How much money is our company making? What did we do today? There’s such a focus on numbers and what we do that we forget to just be and that we don’t have to do it all. I write that, but do I mean that? Josh and I were talking about numbers and church/Wesley/what is the crazy thing called ministry stuff this week and I know that when pastors say we shouldn’t focus on the numbers, that can sometimes mean they’re just using that as a justification for the size of the body of folks that they work with. But sometimes I really do question numbers…is that all that there is to say that you’re doing something? Do we get so caught up in proving that something is happening at our churches or in our classes or in our workplaces or in our lives that we miss the blessings and consolations that God gives us along the way? Or do we miss being those blessings and consolations to others because we’re more concerned about the to-do lists and keeping up with “that” family or company or church or whatever?
I wonder what would happen if we didn’t just feel frustrated by some of these things that seem to limit us or tie us down but we could flip that and feel the freedom from the endless search for perfection and the chance to claim even our inabilities, sufferings, and crud for the grace and strength of God? I can believe that at the beginning of the day reading the Upper Room. It’s harder to believe at the end of a day wondering where it all went and how the list never gets shorter.
Maybe we just need to give ourselves a break…
U2’s “Walk On” is on my itunes dj right now. Maybe that’s what we do from all the things that can weigh us down – we walk on. Some of our afflictions may go with us, but we can trust that God is with us and we walk on.
“Leave it behind
You’ve got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme…”
I realized earlier today I haven’t really updated folks on the latest health stuff. It’s both easy and difficult to push that to the back of my mind – especially this time of the year as we prepare for the students return.
Mike and I went a couple weeks ago to the new neurologist and she’s great! An Emory Med School grad and it was like night and day from before which was great. Mike particularly liked her which is high praise. We talked to her about the small things that have changed since the surgery and she did some tests that proved that we weren’t just imagining things. I have found that I can’t always remember simple things or people’s names even I’ve known them forever. She showed me some flash cards with simple objects on them and although I knew what each was and they were simple like an umbrella or something like that. I couldn’t actually say all of their names for a little while. It’s like I know it but there’s some sort of delay or block. I knew that I had been feeling this way but when she did that test, I knew for sure, that everything wasn’t “back to normal.” We then did a test where you’re supposed to walk in a straight line. Yes, like the drunk test. Welp, totally bombed that one too. I haven’t noticed any difference in regular life with my motor skills so that was a little startling to know that even that’s a little off. She said she would testify on behalf if I failed a DUI test – no worries there since I can’t drive but it was funny nonetheless.
I know that this is normal after brain surgery and many people laugh and say this comes with age. I get that. I’m not expecting to do everything that I could do before or to be able to snap my fingers and that this all will disappear. But it’s tough because like she said that day – I look perfectly normal. The way my hair is cut and the way I part it now completely covers up my scar that stretches 22 sutures from the top of my head to my ear. Now that is a great haircut! When you look normal and you’re trying to go back to your life and all of the same challenges and demands, it’s easy to forget that things are different.
For someone that talks and remembers things as part of her job – her ministry – her vocation – her life – not being able to think clearly on your feet is hard. There’s no way around that. Am I worried about August quickly approaching and getting ready for the school year? Heck yes. Am I worried that my normal “meditations” with the students in worship will be that much more difficult trying to remember and bring things together? Yep. Am I learning that I need to depend on other people more and I need to rest in the grace of God more? Oh yeah. I feel like a middle schooler without her license as I ask people for rides all the time. But then again, it’s good to let others help you sometimes. If we really are community it’s a balance of each of us helping and taking turns and building up the body.
Anyway – long story short – the neurologist says I’ll be on the seizure meds for 2 years if nothing happens again. One piece of good news that I liked since I’m a little afraid of the seizures – if I have a little seizure (not go unconscious) then that doesn’t start over my 6 months wait to drive. Scary I know. Only if I go unconscious does that restart so November 28th I am looking forward to you! I’ll see the neurologist again in January so the only thing on the docket now is the MRI in September.
That and getting ready for the school year! But hey that’s just the normal crazy campus minister to do list…
Mike has done a lot of songs by Michael Gungor in The Journey service and I really do like his music a lot. We’ve been playing the Gungor album “Beautiful Things” in our car for a while. Below is a song by their group called “Please Be My Strength.” It’s melody and lyrics speak to me and I hope it will speak to some of you.
I’ve tried to stand my ground
I’ve tried to understand
but I can’t seem to find my way
like water on the sand
or grasping at the wind
I keep on falling short
please be my strength
please be my strenth
I don’t have anymore
I don’t have anymore
I’m looking for a place
that I can plant my faith
one thing I know for sure
I cannot create it
I cannot sustain it
It’s Your love that’s keeping (captured) me
Please be my strength…
at my final breath
I hope that I can say
I’ve fought the good fight of faith
I pray your glory shines
through this doubting heart of mine
so my world would know that You
You are my strength
You and You alone
You and You alone
Keep bringin me back home
I don’t really know how to begin this blog. It’s been a long weekend. While I was at the doctor on Wednesday we realized I have a sinus infection and Mike and I have been battling those all weekend so I know that has something to do with it. It’s been exhausting and for some reason on Friday everything just kind of hit me, that 4 weeks from that day I randomly had a seizure and they then the next morning found this brain tumor and two weeks from that day I had that brain tumor mostly removed and on Wednesday I found out it was a type 2, not a type 1 or a 3 or 4 and I will wait for 3 months and will get another MRI and will get to wait I’m sure several days after that to see what the deal is.
I’ve been asked about getting second opinions and so many of my much beloved Emory people have offered medical expertise and I am full of gratitude for that. I think it was Friday though when it hit me that all this really has happened and this is not a bad dream and this is my new reality. I kind of hate the phrase at this point “new normal.” A large part of me wants to scream the heck with the “new normal.” I don’t want to find it. I don’t want to have to find it. I don’t want any of this happening period.
I know that there are very many people that have this worse off than I do. It could have been a type 3 or 4 malignant. I’m not even going to name all of the worse things that could be happening right now, and I know that and feel the pain of that. But I also have to acknowledge that for me this sucks. For a known and self-identified control freak, not being able to drive anywhere when I get carsick all the time, not having any control over this line of tumor still in my brain, not being able to do anything about it (yes I know I can get a second opinion and I can choose my attitude and I can be thankful, but that’s not how I always feel), not having the energy to clean up the house much less care that it’s a mess….it really just stinks.
So I battled this funk all weekend. I read three books over the weekend – two ended sadly and praise God the one I read yesterday ended well. We watched Carolina make it into the College World Series which is tremendous. I spent the weekend playing with the kids and we ate good food, relaxed and I’m as always thankful for the help of my mom and Mike in keeping things together right now. On Sunday morning I had absolutely no desire to go to church. No I didn’t pull the I’m going to go to Bedside UMC this morning or Boxsprings Baptist, but I didn’t really want to go. But you know that’s what happens on Sundays…Mike goes to church and on the rare chance that I’m not preaching I get to listen to someone bring the Word. So Mom and I got the kiddos dressed and ready for church and off we went.
All morning I had been on the verge of tears and when we went into Bethel the first hymn was “O How He Loves You and Me” from the Faith We Sing 2108. That was it. I ended up having to go downstairs because I was pretty much hyperventilating crying. It’s a simple song…”O how he loves you and me! O how he loves you and me! He gave his life. What more could he give? O how he loves you; O how he loves me; O how he loves you and me.” I wasn’t upset because I didn’t believe the words. I was upset because I do believe the words. I know God loves me but that doesn’t completely change how devastating some of this is. We can feel and know God’s love and there is hope there, but sometimes all we feel is despair at all of the what if’s and could have been’s and it isn’t easy to keep on singing and praising when you’re just not there.
By the time I got it together Josh was on to the children’s sermon and then the choir played a song that Patti had learned at a UMW retreat. It’s also out of the Faith We Sing 2218 called “You are Mine.” Here are the words:
I will come to you in slence, I will lift you from all your fear. You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice, be still and know that I am here.
I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see. In the shadows of the night, I will be your light, come and rest in me.
Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.
I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame. All the blind will see, the lame will all run free, and all will know my name.
I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannt give. I will call your name, embracing all your pain, stand up, now walk, and live!
Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.
I kept crying but that at least got me to the sermon which was great and much needed as well. All day I just kept struggling with this. And I finally just let it out during Phineas and Ferb and told Mom and Mike the things that I’m frustrated with and afraid of and just sick of. I don’t want to bottle this up and it keep giving me nightmares and I don’t want to take it out on my children or family, but it’s all so much sometimes that everything spills over.
Somehow though after saying it out loud to them and after eating some Fruitloops and watching the daytime Emmy’s I felt better. Last night was one of the first nights I didn’t have a nightmare and for that I am thankful. Is every day going to be easy? No. Does life sometimes really completely stink? Yes. Are there sometimes in our lives when tears of desperation are all that we can muster? Sure. Is there One who still loves us and holds us and wants the best for us even in the midst? Heck Yeah. Is that hard to handle sometimes? I think so.
I can’t help hearing that refrain from the hymn – “Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.” I guess sometimes there are things that we just have to cling to in the midst.
The kids were watching an Anne of Green Gables cartoon on PBS yesterday and I LOVE Anne of Green Gables. It was a lot of fun watching it with them and I love that Kevin Sullivan produced both the Anne that I grew up with and this new animated series. She always had a way with words saying things like not just feeling sad but being in the “depths of despair.” Funny girl. Maybe sometimes we are in the depths of despair. And that’s real. It’s not always faith, praise, and strength. Who in the heck is like that all the time? We are real people with real crud that happens and sometimes that’s not beautiful or picture perfect. There are questions. There are fears. There is struggle. I’m glad we don’t have to always have the answers and I’m glad that we don’t have to stay in the depths. May God give each of us the strength and the tenacity and the courage and the hope to keep keeping on but may we also be thankful that we can come battered and bruised and confused and despondent and that’s okay too.
There’s a song I listened to a lot as a gangly too tall teenager facing typical mean girl stuff – nothing out of the ordinary, but you know how it goes. The song is by Twila Paris and it’s called “The Warrior is a Child.” May we each know that there’s a home to run to and that it’s okay to struggle with picking up the pieces.
Okay so my thinking of “for such a time as this” extends far beyond just Ms. Esther. I really do believe that God brings things into our lives for particular journeys. No this is not everything happens for a reason or just the beginning of “For Good” ie. “People come into our lives for a reason…” Nope. I’m talking about reading that book or hearing that song or getting that email or reading that billboard or whatever at just the right time and that be a little message to keep you hanging on and keeping on.
So I’ve never totally loved the raunchy romances of life. I am one of those people that like Christian romances. Yep, that aisle in the bookstores that says Christian fiction welp I used to make a home there. Okay, I’m out. There’s a whole shelf in Wesley dedicated to these treasures of mine. Love Robin Jones Gunn. Love Linda Chaikin. Love, love, love them! When I was at Emory some of the students gave me a Christian dating book in tribute to these crazy books of mine even though I was long married at that point. There’s something about a good story and the Lord of all driving it that makes me happy – I like both the passion and the faith. Now my grandmother loved books. Good golly I can’t even remember a time til her dying day that she didn’t have a book beside her. Mine go with me in my gigantic pocketbooks. I have no idea how she kept hers so neat except that she probably didn’t have as much candy and kid junk in her bags. But Ganny liked all sorts of book – including the occasional I would say trashy romance. So there was a time that I picked up The Other Boleyn Girl on a flight and thought what in the world is all this sex and craziness? Such is the reaction when you grow up reading the Christian versions… However, now in this stage of life when such things cease to surprise me anymore, I have found a new at least so-so feeling towards this author that blends history and romance.
My brother Caleb just earned his history degree from the University of South Carolina and his last paper was on Richard III – interesting guy. This is the Richard portrayed in Gregory’s book The White Queen and the one who may or may not have murdered the two princes in the tower. I know I’ve lost half of you now, but I promise to get to the rambling point (some of you are like – dude this is how she preaches – she just needs to get to the point). Anyway, I hated that book in a lot of ways. Loved the romance, loved the survival, but hated it for that mother to lose her children like that and her husband and all that yuck. In the meantime though I picked up another one of her books, The Constant Princess. This one is about Katherine of Aragon. Interesting story. I’m less than 150 pages into it and I already want to stop reading it because at this point everything’s happy and knowing the little bit about British history that I do, it ain’t going to be happy long. What I got though for this time and in this place is that this lady and many before her knew how to survive. She’s a daughter of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand and much of her identity is that she is this royal princess that’s going to kick butt. (Okay Renee I know you don’t like when I use butt, but it is what it is.) This queen stuff is crazy and I wholly believe that this whole royal thing in these books is crazy and that the whole business was completely dirty, but I think about what my brother Josh writes to us in letters and what I read from in this past week’s lectionary from 1 Kings. We are children of the Most High God.
We are children of the Most High God. That’s not a phrase that I’ve particularly jived with over the years, but it’s growing on me in this context. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to start walking around with a long train and royal septer, I want to say bahahahaha to that. But it does mean that I can do this. I am a child of God and that’s all I have to be. period. Philippa Gregory may not speak to you and heck she may not speak to me again, but I think it’s absolutely amazing that we have a God that is not someone that looks at us from afar but is a God that gets messy and personal and in the mix with us and somehow in the midst of our insane little worlds breaks in and gives us what we need to keep going, no matter how random that may be.
Don’t know if I’ll finish the book but I got what I needed for the journey.
Hi y’all! So as always there are highs and lows in a day. (Can’t decide whether watching The Bachelorette right now is a high or a low…much better on fast forward to the decent parts.) Mike and I dropped off the CD of the previous MRI/CT Scan at the neurosurgeon’s, I got a quick lesson on all this brain stuff from a wonderful Emory friend, and our GPS got us to Carolinas Medical Center. I’ve never been to the real one – just having babies at the one in Pinevile.
We parked way far away because we had no clue where to go but we finally figured it out and it made for a beautiful day to walk. Filled out some more forms and then got to talk to the anesthesologist and a nurse. I’ll get to the hospital at 11:15 am and they’ll take all of us up to the 5th floor and get them settled in the waiting room, will bring me in, I’ll get to see everyone one last time, and then we’ll begin. They’ve blocked out the room for up to three hours. I should be in the neurointensive care for at least one night and then in the hospital 3-5 days. Okay. There we go. So then giving a couple more tubes of blood, we were back in the sunshine.
Time to hit up Rock Bottom Brewery. Completely randomly they sat us in the same booth that we were in over 9 years ago when we talked to Mike’s parents about us getting engaged and began wedding planning with them. Oh, ironic. In the midst of this I get a phone call and it’s not a number I recognize and let me tell you – we are screening some calls these days. So Mike answers “Narcie’s phone, Mike speaking” and I think okay he’ll probably be on there for a while but quickly he hands it over to me and whispers “OB-Gyn.” I’m thinking what in the heck do they want at this point? And the very nice lady says, Mrs. Jeter you haven’t scheduled your annual appointment yet. I know I probably should have just penciled it in to the looming calendar that I had in my pocketbook but I couldn’t help myself and said – welp, I was told a week ago I have a brain tumor and they’re operating on it on Friday and I don’t think I’ll be getting to that appointment any time soon. LOL. We both had a good laugh. She said to call back any time. It’s important – keep in good health people – but not in the scheme of things right now.
I didn’t realize until today being in there that my life is going to change for awhile. I mean I’ve had that realization in pieces over the past week and a half but Mike and I also decided at a certain point that I needed to live my life as normally as possible. In the midst of that though I’m now thinking oh wow what do I need to do before Friday? We went and bought some books and some toys for Enoch and Evy for the days to come. I got to play with the kiddos in the bath tonight and put both of them to bed. Mike asked the nurse today if when I come back home, I can really come back home. In other words – in our world here there is no rest, Mommy napping, etc. There is Silly 1 and Silly 2 – my two wild and crazy E’s. She said we’ll have to ask the doctor. Should be interesting.
Tomorrow Enoch will go back to school, Evy will have our 16 month check up, and I’ll do some work at Wesley for one of the last times before Friday. Then we’ll head to MRI land and will see what Presbyterian Hospital looks like. This has been a sort of weird medical scavenger hunt.
Earlier I posted one of my favorite Laura Story songs. I actually like most of her new CD – great stuff! One of my all time favorites of hers though was when she was with Silers Bald and it’s called “Grace.”
I am totally not telling you to watch them because they are rather disturbing this year and there are so many things being bleeped out that you can’t understand half of it but it is pretty funny.
Mike walked in earlier and he’s like “What are you smiling at?” Guess I haven’t done that much today, and I’m like “They’re giving an award to Sandra Bullock and they’re showing clips from her movies.” So we got sucked in. Although now he’s flipping back and forth between hockey and basketball. It’s a night with absolute nothing on tv and all sorts of things to watch on tv all at the same time.
Thank y’all for the prayers! It had to be prayer that got me through this morning. I totally didn’t crash until after church and I know that had to be prayer so thank you!
The rest of the day today and yesterday has been good – hanging out with the kids, going to the park and the pool and watching Enoch play with his new trains, and watching Evy in her new dresses and bows. It’s been good. And there’s been great food (Mike’s grandmother sent chocolate-covered strawberries – who could ask for better?).
I know this is going to be a crazy week with highs and lows and it’s all going to be fine, but I’m tired and it’s a tired day. Enoch has been staying up til all hours of the night not wanting to sleep, don’t know if he feels the energy in the air or if he needs to not ever take naps anymore!
So not much to report in Jeterland today. Tomorrow begins the week of craziness and thankfully the kids will begin summer preschool in the morning so here’s to a good start for them! Thank you all for the prayers and support! I am deeply humbled, overwhelmed and hugely thankful for them. Much love!
So the episode is on right now when Raymond gives Debra the “happy pills” to take care of her PMS. It cracks me up every time. I know some people are not fans of the show but when there’s nothing on TV like there’s not really tonight and you want a little amusement – this works.
We had a great 3rd birthday for Enoch tonight! And we’re all pooped now. GiGi picked up a great dinner from Sahara (a Mediterranean restaurant in Rock Hill that we hope will make it because it’s delicious!), the Choo-choo cake was ready to go and Mac Mac and Uncle Josh put together the new wagon. Grammy even gave the kids a bath. I don’t think Enoch could decide which gift he liked more or which ones he wanted to sleep with – the choo choos, guitar, or fish game and finally with the reading of a story, he went to sleep. What a day/night!
To keep you updated with the latest in doctor land, we went to see the neurologist today. Nope, he is not the same as the neurosurgeon, although I never knew those were the same, but hey what do I know? So several pieces of paperwork filled out (I am so excited about the technology being created where all of your medical info is in one place, I can even begin to contain my hope – we need to all invest in it.) and lots of questions later, we ended up with more appointments.
I know that all of these doctors/medical folk need answers and that they’re hearing it for the first time and I should be nice and tell them the whole thing again, but part of me wanted to say – read the blog. Or read the chart. Or communicate with the others. No, I don’t remember if one side shook more than the other. Nope, I don’t think one side was slower than the other probably because I landed on one side. Nope, I haven’t had any seizures before. Sure I can close my eyes and put my arms out and touch my nose with my fingertips (I have now done this for three doctors.)
I am thankful for these questions because I know they need this info and thorough is good. But boy is it frustrating. A friend of mine called shortly after and I was telling him that I think our insurance is going to hate me and he very hilariously said that by the end of this I’m going to be for Obama-care. (No I do not want to debate this and I love you but I don’t want a gazillion op-eds on healthcare reform.) It just made me think a lot about the privilege it is to be able to go to all these different people and have them each treat me. I mean this thing happened a week ago right now. A week ago possibly from this very moment and I’ve been to an er, done a gazillion tests, been driven back to SC by an amazing Edward, been supported and loved by family, been hugely humbled and amazed by the support and prayers of a larger community than I knew existed, gone to see a neurosurgeon and a neurologist. Everyone doesn’t have support like this. Everyone doesn’t have care like this. And I’m complaining about filling out forms. And I am still complaining. It’s annoying. But at least I have that opportunity. I feel like I’ve got so little answers to give but what if I had absolutley no info or answers and I hadn’t even seen anyone yet?
So what do we know today – the neurologist here likes the seizure meds that the neurologist in Virginia gave me so he gave me some more refills on that. He reminded me about the 6 months no driving thing (that still sort of stinks). And he scheduled a sleep deprived EEG for the end of June. What is a sleep deprived EEG you ask? Well, apparently I go to bed at 10 pm and wake up at 2 am and then stay awake without drinking caffeine or eating chocolate and then I go get an EEG at 7:30 am. What that is checking I have no idea, but that’s where I’ll be early in the morning on June 26th.
The only other new info I have is that I got the folder for pre-op, op, and post-op today. Now that is exciting. Still haven’t looked up what this surgery is exactly but a wise nurse friend told me that it would be better to read what it is after the surgery than to gross myself out before. So pre-op on Monday, MRI and functional MRI which apparently has cool colors on Tuesday, and surgery on Friday.
I’m telling you I love this show. Marie just said, “Frank we’re having company.” And he answers, “They better like swearing.” LOL. I like this show because it’s real. And I love y’all my massively amazing community because you’re real. I love that your joining together across the web for the simple fact that I love people being community together but also because it makes me happy that our “connection” is alive and well. I’m not just talking about the United Methodist one although you know I believe that too, but I’m talking about the connection of people of faith, that belief that there is a different world possible. The hope that if we all could unite together we could change our worlds – one can of soup or smile or vote or radical choice at a time.
It’s the life – the every day – the Everybody Loves Raymond moments that are the meat – the good stuff. These are the things we cherish. These are the opportunities that we take for granted but we should be oh so thankful for. The times that we let loose and were our real, God created selves, warts, tiaras and all.
So may we find grace in the little things. May we see the marks on the walls, the scuffs on our shoes, and the grooves in our paths not as just tired wear and tear but as the everyday treasures of grace, hope, and keep on keepin’ on that make it all worth it! Praise God that it’s not all smoothed out and clean – how boring would that be! Will continue to keep you posted. Thanks for the prayers! Keep rockin it out!
Scratch that. Maybe I should use sports imagery. Maybe this is like halftime. Or back to the musical this could either be the orchestra warming up at the beginning of a full and fabulous Broadway show or this could be the intermission music. Either way all’s quiet on the home front. The kids went to bed reasonably early tonight. Mike is asleep already – praise God! And GiGi (Mike’s mom) has arrived safe and sound.
Tomorrow we pick up Enoch’s 3rd birthday cake, some last minute birthday gifts, and we’ll stop by the neurologist. The MRI has been moved from Saturday to Tuesday and the anesthesiologist appointment is now on Monday. So after tomorrow’s neuro there’s nothing on the appointment horizon until Monday which freaks me out a little bit but also makes me want to randomly go somewhere that’s not sitting on my couch waiting for Monday. So is the orchestra gearing up or will it spend all weekend gearing up or better yet in this not completely working analogy – are we going to play a completely different show this weekend – ie. the birthday extravaganza, everyone enjoy life and try not to freak out dance?
In reading people’s posts on the blog and facebook and comments and everything I’ve felt a wide range of emotions. I’ve cried and laughed out loud. Part of me wants to start doing the whole Wicked
“Because I Knew You” as I think about so many different people from so many different places and all of the many ways I love each of you and you have touched my life in real and not so cheesy ways. Another part of me is still just happy to be alive in general and I’ve not been able to get David Crowder’s “O Praise Him” and the video that someone posted months ago out of my head.
I’m not a total David Crowder fan – I admit that – but I do lift this song/video.
Also – please don’t read this blog or any blog for that matter and think that anyone has anything all figured out. That’s crap. No one of us has the in track to faith, theodicy, or the mysteries of life – much less who the smoke monster really was – but we do serve a God who blesses far beyond our wildest dreams and you guys are that blessing for me. So if life were a musical what would be your song? Glee people – what would be your soundtrack? What is that go to music for you that makes your soul come alive? The dear friends that light up your life?
We’re cranking up the music this weekend and there won’t be any electric slide at this three year old’s birthday party!
Thanks for the prayers y’all! To be honest I haven’t read them all yet because I’m working on a Bible study with Josh this morning and I know that would be procrastinating. Just to keep you updated – I’ll meet with the neurologist tomorrow and will have the two functional MRI’s Saturday at Presbyterian Main Hospital. On June 11th at 1:30 I will have a left frontal craniotomy. How’s that for some big words? Haven’t googled it yet, but I’m sure I will before it happens. Looks like I’ll be making just a brief appearance at Annual Conference. Don’t want to miss the barbeque or bocci ball. It’s hard to stay focused today!
Blessings on the Journey 